Ladies: Why your vagina might be affecting your hearing.

Ladies: Why your vagina might be affecting your hearing.

I am not a girly girl. I don't have a celebrity crush, I do not keep up with the Kardashians, and most importantly, I am not bilingual in "Girl Speak." You don't know what Girl Speak is? Let me enlighten you.
Girl Speak is the spoken and unspoken language that exists BENEATH the words that are coming out of your mouth. It consists of what you say, what you don't say, and the way you said it. And in the same way that only canines can hear dog whistles, only vagina owners and very skilled gay boys can decipher Girl Speak. Here are some examples:
"I like you better in the red dress you bought from Express."
Translation in Girl Speak: "You think I look ugly in what I'm wearing."
"I'm not upset."
Translation in Girl Speak: "You are pissed and you refuse to be honest about it."
"Let's talk about this later."
Translation in Girl Speak: "You are avoiding the issue and don't consider my feelings to be a priority so we are definitely about to talk about this right now and I don't know who the hell you think you are to try to put my feelings on hold because this ain't Burger King so you ain't about to have it your way!"

And don't get me wrong, I understand SOME of it and occasionally use it to my advantage (I have definitely raised a cunty eyebrow in my day.) However, when interacting with other chicks I become painfully aware of how shitty I am at interacting with other chicks.
Today, I had the pleasure of having a conversation via text that started as me inviting some friends out to my homey's event and ended with me saying fuck it and telling them that they can go without me. I won't bore you with the details, but I found myself floored when me saying "I don't have a problem with anybody" was met with me being told I was being "kinda rude."
First of all, I could give a fat fluffy flying fuck less whether or not I am perceived as being kinda rude. Do I look like the Politeness Fairy, here to nurture and cuddle you? What is it about my purple eyebrows, tattoos, and two nose rings that makes me look like a beacon for niceness and cotton candy? I'm a recording artist, not the Snuggle Fabric Softener bear. Nice is not a service that I provide.

Second, as females, why are we expected to be nice all the time? How the hell do you do that? Drugs? Hypnosis? A vibrating clit ring???
Lastly, why the hell do women hold on to this belief that what we say, do, think, or feel is not what we actually mean? When a gal is upset, she is always running the risk of being seen as having an attitude problem or being on her period or something. Her valid concerns are not seen as concerns at all, it's just drama waiting to be sorted out.
And it is not just guys doing this to females, we do it to each other. We trivialize each others' feelings and thoughts and force ourselves to play out these roles we were taught to play. And far too many of us hear the world through the filter of Girl Speak so we never actually take things as they are meant. If hanging out with feminine folks means I have to accept that my every gesture has a double meaning, then sign me up to be one of the guys. I was a tomboy for my entire childhood, I can SO revert to being about that life.
I like spending time with my girls. I really, really do. But sometimes I feel like until I become fluent in Girl Speak and all the social customs that come along with having titties, maybe I need to spend more time alone. That way, at least when I say "I'm okay" it will actually mean "I'm okay."

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