An open letter to my ex-Best Friend

An open letter to my ex-Best Friend


Dear Jahmilah;

I am sitting in a condo in Brooklyn right now, about to end my trip to New York that I always take at the end of summer. You know all about these long trips I take because you have been my travel buddy a dozen times by now. Remember that time when we stayed with that gross ass dude in New Jersey and he woke you up in the middle of the night on some creepy Glenn Quagmire shit?

And remember that time you came to the studio with me in Manhattan and we needed to stay up late so we took NoDoz (which is pretty much nothing but legal cocaine) and we stayed awake for 48 hours?

Remember that time we went to Diddy's Grammy party and when we left Suge Knight tried to mack to me and tried to talk us into getting into his limo so we ran away?

Remember that time we were leaving a gifting suite in LA and we randomly met Drake, and after he left you pretended to faint?

Remember that time we partied in Texas for SXSW and pictures of our plaid outfits ended up getting us featured on that "I hate your fashion" blog?

Remember that OTHER time we took pictures in Texas and it ended up being in a Ray Bans ad in Fader Magazine?

Remember when we did that interview in Atlanta at A3C Fest and our friend grabbed my boob ON CAMERA?

Goooooooood times.

Today you are moving to Las Vegas. I know that there are more opportunities there for someone who is as talented and gorgeous as you, but it makes me feel so sad. I never told you this, but I have learned so much about friendship from your little hipster ass. You are the kind of girl who never hates on other people, it's like you are immune to the Chicago haterism that so many of us are taught. You showed me that it is okay to open up to people and let them get close. If it wasn't for you, Keisha and I would never have become so close, because I would never have let it happen. And when I did open up to people, you were super protective. If you got the slightest thought that someone was only trying to get close to me for selfish reasons, your bossy ass wouldn't stand for it. The only person who has ever been that way with me is my sister, Angel.

Our friendship hasn't always been easy. There have been plenty occasions where we wanted to slap each other, and even more occasions where I wanted to kick someone's ass over you. You are such a open, free-spirited person, and people have tried to take advantage of that. It pisses me off. Sometimes it would even lead to us not speaking. But whether our fights were from you being too trusting or from me pissing you off with the stank attitude that I get from time to time, we always ended up back together. You choreographed my first music video. You performed with me in the competition that led to me getting my licensing deal with MTV. So many of my biggest moments in my life include you.

You were my best friend for the past four years, but now I can't call you "best friend" anymore. It's to the point where I think of you as my sister. We have shared too many laughs and tears, I've stolen too many of your gym clothes, you've been covered in too much of my cats' fur. It's bigger than friendship now. You're part of my family, and it is gonna be that way for the rest of our lives.

I feel slightly selfish for being so sad about you leaving. I travel a lot and that really impacts my ability to spend time with you. It is selfish for me to wish that when I get back in town you will always be there for me. You are so talented, and you need to be in a place where you can shine. I understand that. I'll get over it.

Fuck that, I won't get over it... but I'll learn to act like I did.

I just want you to know that I support you 100% and nothing has changed. I will still be here for you and your family, and if you ever need anything I will have your back. Because I always put family first.

I'll rock with you forever, Mims. I'm your biggest fan.


Nikki "Midget Hwoman" Lynette.


Filed under: blogging

Tags: best friend, Jahmilah Alazam


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  • hey ms nikki...been a minute but i see you're still writing the truth...except this time...

    just because she's moving away doesn't make her an "ex"...true friendship has no boundaries...just like the experiences that made her your best friend in the first place. won't talk as much or hang out as often, but when you do it will be like no time has passed and nothing has's a spiritual connection that never breaks...i wish the both of you the best...of friendship.

  • Thanks for sharing, nothing like having a "true friend" and a "road dawg", don't get many of those in life. And I know the sentiment, my boy no longers works at the same gig with me after 6 years (it happened two weeks ago), it hurts, but he's gonna blow up and I'll always be support his work and be there for him.

  • Hey Nikki you are one cute,strange little woman....strange indeed..but I like it....a lot. So new and different and so whats missing in music today. Anyway sorry your friend moved and left you hanging.Friends may relocate but true friends never leave you.You are crazy as from Suge Knight....thats some funny sh#t. Im from Atlanta and a friend of mine saw you at A3C and told me to check you out. And I was like "what wack rapper you want me to check out now?" Glad I got the goods girl...rapper and singer...nice. Anyway I feel bad for you about your friend but she aint went nowhere...she'll be back,they always come back. Stay strange...I like it...peace.

  • Well written, trying to describe a best friend leaving is hard and it brings out some hard feelings and a true feeling of losing something.

    But I can assure you nothing will change accept the daily meeting, my have 2 best friends in college we shared everything except ladies and when graduated we knew when we walked across that stage that our lives would be different forever.

    I mean we spend 4 years together we even spend summers in each other home town best time of our lives.

    Now we see each other once a year for 3 days and in those 3 days we lay it all on the line and when it's over we text, phone and plan for the next meet.

    Friendship changes because life changes and each friend has a life to live and friendship remains but seeing each other daily becomes the lost art but it demands other parts of the friendship to take over.

  • What a wonderful tribute to your friend!

    I just discovered your blog and I have to tell you that I love it! You are clever, hilarious, hip ...

    Keep it coming.
    A New fan (and I'm old - like 50+)

  • Don't you guys get it?! Jamillah has become the "ex" best friend not because she's moving but because she graduated to sister status!

    Great tribute to your "sister," Nikki. And, remember... you'll always have Skype when you can't be there in person. ;-)

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