Yesterday was a rough day. Right now I feel like my life is a frenzy. In
order for me to be able to pack up and go away on a road trip for a
whole month with a guy I barely know, a lot of preparation has to happen
to make sure that "Nikki Lynette the Artist" continues to function
smoothly despite the chaos that I am about to throw myself into... and
frankly, a lot of that work is falling squarely into my lap. Of course,
right?
Yesterday I was told that I need to determine the day that
my EP will be finished (bummer) and I was also given a lecture by both my engineer
Matt and my partner Kenny about why I HAVE TO take a label deal for my
debut album instead of putting it out myself. It was funny. Matt stopped
in the middle of my studio session and started breaking down statistics
and shit, he did everything but pull out a pie graph to explain his
point. And then AS SOON AS I LEFT THE STUDIO my partner Kenny instant
messaged me on the phone and had the SAME EXACT CONVERSATION. And the
crazy part is Matt & Kenny have never met. They'd actually get along
great if they did.
So I spent the whole day working with Matt
and then spent half the evening messaging about my album with Kenny. And
I think I might have spoken to my "boo" a grand total of... once.
Maybe. I really don't remember. Yeah. That wasn't very girlfriendly of
me, was it?
I know that when you're dating a guy, you're supposed to be all emo and talk about your feelings and talk on the phone and blah blah blah. And don't get me wrong, me and "the boo" have great communication. But honestly, sometimes I wonder if I am really cut out for serious relationships. I'm not very domestic. In spite of the fact that I'm a pretty good cook, all of my groceries consist of leftovers from carry out. I'm an uber slob, my apartment is always messy. I keep irregular hours so it's impossible for a guy to cuddle up with me and go to sleep at night. I get more emotional about a shoe sale on the Jimmie Choo website than I do about romantic gestures. And maybe the most annoying trait about me is the fact that I am totally entrenched in my career. If things are going great, then I am mega fun and a pleasure to be around. But at times like...well, like right now, when I am trying to make deadlines and planning a project and I'm unable to shop because I'm saving for my album and I'm taking promotional pictures and planning my video shoots and shit... well, at times like these I turn into Bitchy Lynette, and I can only imagine that no amount of cuteness on my part can compensate for me completely shutting down when I'm vexed. My "boo" really hates when I do that. And I kind of do it a lot.
For the record, I refer to him as a "boo" because I'm not yet ready to call what we're doing a "boyfriend/girlfriend" sort of thing. We're both single adults, we know what we mean to each other, and that's fine for now. My girl told me the other day that I have a fear of commitment. That's not true. I have a pair of black round toe Aldo pumps that I have been loyal to for almost ten years now. The fact of the matter is I don't fear commitment, I just hate breaking up. And I kinda sorta push guys away when they get too close. So I kinda sorta think it's a better idea to just not officially get together. That way you never actually break up. When you do part its more sophisticated than a break up, it's more like "two adults who enjoyed each other's company taking time to live their lives independently." I'm really good at justifying my bullshit, right? Fail. That's another reason why I suck at dating.
And for the record, just so you know, my "boo" is not perfect either. I'm not saying he's flawed, I'm just saying he could be wayyyy closer to perfect than he is now. We have a ton of stuff in common to mask the fact that we are actually polar opposites. I really like him. He's adorable and smart and sweet and... you know... he just rocks. That's why I tolerate the fact that he frequently gets on my nerves. I would love to tell you what I fussed at him about earlier and how I'm still mad about it, but if I go into detail about it on my blog he's gonna get all emo, so I can't. But his biggest beef with me is the fact that I shut him out when I am upset. He doesn't do that to me. He's really open and honest about his feelings, his sincerity is actually what won me over. He's supportive and kind and a really great listener and he is the kind of guy who really goes out of his way to let a girl know that he cares about her. He doesn't rush me into anything I'm not ready for but he does challenge me to address issues instead of pulling away when I'm upset. And he's not even being wack and insecure about the fact that I'm going on the road trip with my boy Nate as a way to promote my music. My "boo" is actually a catch. I could mention his many, many flaws right now, but after listing all of that good stuff about him I'd surely just look like I was being Bitchy Lynette, so I'm not gonna.
BUT STILL... I'm not 100% on board with this whole "boyfriend" idea. It's like JUST WHEN I think about opening up and letting myself go and just flow with it... something will happen, some minor disappointment, some small disagreement, and I'm back in my shell. So what it ends up being is a relationship thats more like being friends than it is like being lovers. Some guys like that. Other guys get pissed about it and wanna drop my ass like a hot potato. I don't care about the guys who wanna drop me. I never give up the cooter fast enough for those wankers to get what they came for anyway.
So yeah... I totally need to step my girlfriend game up. But I don't exactly have time to work on it right now. Planning this road trip/fund raiser/Youtube series thingy is actually a lot of work. The whole "Nikk N' Nate: State 2 State" project is starting to take up more and more of my time. You have NO IDEA how time consuming planning a month long road trip is. And it seems like Nate is doing a million things himself in California, so when I finally get his ass on the phone and ask for help he's already swamped with handling his end of stuff...so then the next thing you know I find myself complaining to my "boo" about Nate. Sexy, right? That's what all guys wanna hear. Hearing your chick complain about some guy will TOTALLY get you in the mood for love, right? LoL. I know, I suck. But my career comes first, and this road trip is gonna be epic. We're going from city to city, selling my cd to supporters and hanging out with them and filming all of our adventures. Speaking of which... FILL OUT THE SURVEY BELOW SO I CAN KNOW WHERE YOU GUYS ARE!
I dunno, you guys. Maybe it isn't the best PR move to blog about what a terrible chick I am. But maybe this blog will give you some insight into how awesome my "boo" is and why I heart him like I do. I really wish I could magically change and instantly be the super girlie sex muffin that it seems all guys daydream about. I am SO not that chick. I'm more so the type of girl who'll horse play with a dude while sitting in his bed watching movies and eating cereal in my undies 'til I pass out from a food coma. I'm the type of girl who gets emotional about the decisions that Marvel is making with the Hulk franchise. I'm the type to go to an indie rock concert & be the only black girl in the crowd & come home with bruises on my legs from moshing. I'm...different. But maybe the weird stuff that makes me different is the reason guys stick around, you know? Until I figure it all out, I am gonna work on being better at communicating in relationships...because like I said, I'm pissed at my "boo" right now and I totally don't wanna speak to his ass today but I know he'll be calling me soon so I'm just gonna have to suck it up and hope I don't have a bitchy tone of voice when I speak to him. Wish me luck. The odds are against him. LoL. Let's just hope my next blog isn't about my "boo" kicking me to the curb for being bad at dating.
Filed under: blogging
Tags: #TeamBadAss, Nikk N' Nate: State 2 State, Nikki Lynette, Team Bad Ass
Hold on, Nikki...there's a list and a line of us already there, so...join the club! Lol. We can't change who we are inside and if "boo" is sticking around through Bitchy Lynette and Nice Nikki, well...you're doing alright. When you get back to the Go, let me know. I'll come out and swap some stories about what the heck is REALLY going on over at Marvel and maybe we can swap some ideas about how to keep these great "boos" pleased throughout our pursuit of creative ventures.