Sometimes the day just doesn't feel beautiful to me.
Sometimes it's just a bad day emotionally and as deep as I dig I cannot find a beautiful meaning to write about.
The everyday happy things in life are always beautiful (healthy kids and family, job, great friends, roof over my head etc.) but the sad/angry emotions seem to take over a lot lately. Especially around the holidays. That is why I haven't been able to write lately. As soon as the holidays approached my emotions got the best of me and I just couldn't find the beautiful in the day.
It's been 458 days since my step dad was taken from us and some days it hurts just as much as it did that first night. Grief is a horrible thing. And it's so different for everyone. I saw someone once write about how they described grief like the ocean. At first the waves are 100 feet and you're just drowning as they crash over you. Then as time goes on, the 100 feet waves are still coming, but not as often. Eventually the waves become 80 feet or 50 feet, but sometimes another 100 foot wave comes out of nowhere - perhaps due to a holiday, or a strong memory and the grief hits you hard again. This strong wave gets you soaking wet again and unable to breathe. The writer said the waves will never stop coming, but eventually you'll learn to survive them.
Because of these waves (and I had quite a few over this holiday) I was just spent. I had no energy or beautiful thoughts to write. So I reached out to my Facebook audiences this week and asked them "Why is Today Beautiful?" It's amazing how people see the world - from the little things to the big things - some bigger than us.
Here's what they all had to say: