Sometimes diabetes wins

Sometimes I am a hypocrite, I preach about the sunny side of life but I sometimes do not live it.  Learning to live with this disease is not easy.  I still break at times.  I have always had trouble appreciating the good moments over the bad, even when the good outweighs the bad.  This weekend was rough.

I am going to see my endocrinologist later this week and I cannot wait.  My blood glucose goes like this, morning: low, after breakfast: high, lunch: okay, after lunch: high-ish, dinner and everything after: fine.  I am adjusting, but maybe not enough for fruit.  I love fruit but a lot of fruit hates diabetics.  I play it safe and stick to berries.  It might be other stuff occupying my mind and just adding to the frustration, who knows.

I find happiness at some point but it can get ugly.  I can shut down and be the only person in the world.  I know this seems like a melancholy post I did not intend that.  It is just honesty, it is something I think many diabetics deal with.   I have said this disease is fickle, I want to live long enough to see my hair go gray and walk with a hunch.

I have become good at faking it, no one likes a complainer.  I can build a wall, which is new to me, I have never done that before.  I long for the day I do not have to worry about this disease.  It makes me uncomfortable, I have to change out my pump today.  What happens if I find another bad spot?  I think I will just play it safe.  I am generally happy but sometimes diabetes gets the best of me.  Or is it the worst?

Filed under: Uncategorized

Tags: diabetes, diabetic, type 1, type 2

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    Patrick O'Hara

    Patrick is a Chicago born comedian. He blogs about every random thing that pops in his head. He has performed all over the Tri-State area and studied at The Second City. He gives great hugs.

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