Okay so I know that I have preached about seeing the brighter side of things. Heck, I have done my best to inject humor into this blog like a diabetic injecting insulin. Honestly, it is not easy. I fall down, sometimes the fall is far. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes it is difficult to dust myself off and start over.
As you have read, I have started using an insulin pump. I love it, I really do but I must be doing something wrong. Just when I thought I had it nipped in the bud I started running high again. The time came to switch my site again, I guess.
I got frustrated, I started swearing I yelled I slammed my fist into the counter. Luckily I did not break bones or the counter. Now that I decided to get healthy it is all I want. Well it is not all I want but priority wise it is the first thing.
I am tired of doing my best and failing. It is like when I played sports as a kid I had loads of heart but none of the talent. I need a new approach. I need to be patient. I need to approach this and other things like I do my comedy. I need to be aggressive but also need to wait for the good things to come.
It is not easy being so honest here. I write so others can come and commiserate. I do not know if this blog is truly touching people. I need to stop wondering and just know that it will touch those it was meant to touch. I need to know that in the end I am doing the right thing.
I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I have to stop getting beat down, and when I fall I need to get my breath back and get back up and fight back. This is a different article than what I have written lately. I am mostly optimistic but sometimes it gets dark and I lose hope.
I write to help others but also to help myself. I read the words back to me and sometimes it seems silly to let a disease get the best of me. So I will press on with the pump I will figure it all out. It is summer it is Chicago and the world should be jealous of how beautiful this city is in the sunlight. Okay and the moonlight too.