The dark days of diabetes.

Blogger's note: I actually wrote this blog a few weeks ago but I was apprehensive about posting it.  I finally felt able to share this with you, it is not everything but it is the non-diabetic portion of the pie.

Happy one second then sad then angry, I have never experienced mood swings like this.  People with diabetes can be prone to this.  It can be anything from a change in blood glucose levels to watching people gleefully gorge themselves with brownies.

The fact is that I do not enjoy the swings, I imagine most people do not.  A few weeks ago I went to a house where my friend from improv(inside joke) lives.  She was hosting a few people for a board game night.  We played “Killing Dr. Lucky” despite the morbid sounding name it is incredibly fun.  Oh and I won, I totally killed Dr. Lucky with a shoe horn.  I never thought of it as a murderous weapon so as a caution be kind to the folks who sell shoes for a living.

When I am around a group of people if I feel a good vibe I get into my funny mode.  I crack jokes and I try to make everyone laugh.  I do not know why but it was not enough, I mean for a few hours I was great but then I left and the sadness set in.  I am typically a happy and optimistic person so when things get dark it has a profound effect on me.

I know I am doing the best for myself, I know that I am on the path to healthy and I find happiness in that.  I have a great family and magnificent friends, I know it is not nice to gloat but my friends could totally take your friends in a fight.  By fight I mean a hug war.  The tightest hug with the most warmth wins.  Even as I type this I am beating away the bad feelings by trying to add a bit of levity to this post.

I can honestly tell you that I love life and I know people have it worse than I.  I know it is most likely just temporary and I will be back to my old self sometime soon.  Lately, I decided to buy a ukulele, her name is ukulayla, I want to learn how to play it and write songs.  I really think it is a beautiful sounding instrument, not when I play but when played well it can bring you to your knees.  It seems it will take a bit, who knew there were so many chords based on 4 strings.

I have been through a lot over the last few months.  I sometimes feels crushed by the weight of it.  I know my friends Alex, Jessica, Rick, Tiffany, Tom, Heather, Jeri, Milfy :) and Blake among others have been a huge rock.  I only mention them because only they truly know my feelings.  I do not like to complain so this blog is how many of my friends are finding out.  You have all helped without even knowing it.  Just being a part of the laughter in my life is super important.  You have all given me that.  Just because I did not mention you does not make you any less vital to me.

I have not mentioned it to many because I am embarrassed and ashamed.  I do not want people to worry about my well-being.  I just never imagined that I would be in such a rut at this point in my life.  I feel like I am letting people down and maybe I need a change.  I saw myself being married and living the American dream.  Right now that is not the case.

I am sorry this turned into a pity party and this has been the hardest thing I have ever written.  I needed to though, no more hiding.  I am working on it every day and I know I will survive.  I just wish God would give me a head’s up on his plan for me.  I wish he could send me a message that everything will be alright.  The happy me is still here, just in hiding until I figure it out.

To those friends I have not had this talk with, please do not take it personally.  I was just trying to save you from my bitching.

Peace Love Harmony.

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    Patrick O'Hara

    Patrick is a Chicago born comedian. He blogs about every random thing that pops in his head. He has performed all over the Tri-State area and studied at The Second City. He gives great hugs.

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