Diabetes: Sometimes losing is the only way to win

I made one promise to myself when I began this blog, which was to be honest, so painfully honest that I might regret it one day.  The following story is a story of love.  Love that was victim of my dishonesty, love that I hope to regain someday.  Over 9 months ago I went to a party, I didn’t dress nice because it was a theme party and because I was not looking to fall in love.  Not that I didn’t want it, I just wasn’t on the hunt for it.  That night, I met an amazing woman.  I am big nerd, so talking to a girl is something I hardly ever initiated.  I was lucky because she is not shy and she talked to me.  Somehow, I was able to get her number.  We fell in love, we lived for each other.  I would do anything for her and for me she would do the same.

We had many weird things happen along the way, plans that didn’t go exactly as planned.  In the end she was there smiling and because of that so did I and I felt secure.  I stopped worrying about impressing her, knowing that we had a love and that was all impression we needed.  She would ask me why she never saw me test my blood glucose levels.  The lie that I fed her was the lie I fed everyone, that I check it before I go anywhere. This was where I began to go wrong.  She was always supportive, and I was/am of her.  She is simply an amazing woman.  A month ago I went to the ER because I have a broken foot that had a cast that cut a huge hole in my foot.  As a diabetic I feared losing my toe, I wasn’t going to lose a toe, but the doctors told me what I already knew, I was a bad diabetic.

This was the beginning of the end.  She was angry because she realized I was in no position to guarantee a future that I promised.  I understood her anger, I was angry at myself.  I never intended to become such a health problem but there it was.  I spent the next week in limbo, hoping and praying that I did not screw things up for good.  I did things out of character and gave off the impression that I was not properly focused on my health.  I was but it did not seem that way.  I had always feared losing her, and it scared me every day.  One day my fear came true, I came home from work, my bags were packed.  She wanted me out.

There is much more to our story as a whole, we really were a cute couple, we “got” each other.  My point to this article is that it wasn’t diabetes that tore us apart it was my lack of care.  A simple thing that I could have done and I would not be writing this blog.  As a diabetic you must understand that your choices do not only affect you but those who love you.  If you take a lackadaisical approach to your care you are forcing your loved ones to watch you slowly kill yourself.  I learned this lesson the hard way.  I am an idiot for it.  I am proud that I have finally decided to take care of myself.  I am doing it for me first and I know that the ones I love will be there the whole way through.  I do not know if she reads this blog or even know it exists.  I just hope that it really is not over and that she was just trying to open my eyes.  Yeah, this is personal, I know, but I want you to read this and if you are silly like I was that you will change your ways.  It is a cautionary tale, about the things you do not think about when it comes to your health.  I hope if you are reading this and are not taking care of yourself, you will take heed and remember every day is a new chance to start over.

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    There's always a backup when you have no other choice to decide. Thanks for sharing!

  • thank you for reading, unfortunately, the story has an unhappy ending. I am going to fight for her like I am fighting my diabetes. I have beaten cancer twice, I can handle the battles

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