Diabetes: Red velvet hell

So a few days ago at work our boss bought cupcakes for everyone.  She even told me she tried to find sugar free cupcakes for me, besides sugar is not the issue, carbs are.  Unfortunately, none were to be found.  In fact, I would be willing to bet that most retailers do not carry sugar free cupcakes.  They probably would not sell very well.  It was difficult not to succumb to the temptation and eat one.  Seriously, they were red velvet, otherwise known as the crack cocaine of the cake product world.  I am sure a lot diabetics deal with this on a regular basis.  Honestly, diabetics can eat anything as long as it falls into their meal plan.  However, since I am trying to become a healthy diabetic I am trying to stay away from sweets out of fear that I won’t be able to stop myself.

I know it is not a rational fear, I mean, one should be enough.  I was happy that my boss searched for an alternative for me, it was nice to have been thought of.  The choice is more about sacrificing a smaller lunch for a few seconds of joy, yes seconds I would demolish a red velvet cupcake.  I work with a diabetic and he has an insulin pump.   The pump makes management easier and some have said that it becomes second nature after a while.  Basically you base your insulin around what you eat.  Currently, I have to do the opposite and eat a certain amount of food based off the amount of insulin I take.  I am pretty sure if I asked about the pump my doctor would advise against it until I get within a better range more consistently.  Also, the pump can be expensive.  Even with my insurance it might cost thousands of dollars out of pocket.

It never hurts to ask so I am considering it as an option, not because I want to go crazy and get fat but because it would be nice to be in more control of my life.  I am experimenting with different recipes so I can enjoy food I love without risking a high blood sugar.  Diabetes is all about control, the diabetic controlling the diabetes not the disease controlling you.  I am working on getting the control down every day.  Since I have spent so much time ignoring the disease it is going to take some time.  The body is an amazing thing, it adjusts even when you are not taking care of it.  So when you decide to get healthy again it takes time for your body to hand over the keys.  I am working on my patience while I am working on myself.  I find my motivation and it drives me.  Whenever I think of cheating my diet I think about having to start all over again.  I have accomplished a lot in the short time that I decided to manage this disease and I am not willing to compromise that.  I did treat myself to a whiff of those sweet sweet red velvet cupcakes and for a fleeting moment I the taste went through me without taking a bite.

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    Well Done! It is the hardest part when you are fighting against your "will " power!

  • In reply to Lysianne Audet:

    Thank you for reading, yes it is difficult fighting yourself, but in the a better self will emerge. no one is perfect we all fall but it is learning how to stand again that is worth the story

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