Peanut butter and insulin sandwiches.

Recently I have begun playing a fun little game, when I shop I look at bad foods I used to eat and see how they compare to my current diet.  Usually it leaves me astonished, I mean it is gross.  One of my favorite things is peanut butter I was one of those people that could eat it with a spoon and nothing else, don’t judge me.  Now, I can still eat it but only a couple of table spoons as opposed to the glob I would throw in between bread.

If you are not familiar glob is the measurement of percentage of peanut butter to inability to talk after eating a bite of it, definitely not a failsafe unit of measurement.  Another weakness, don’t judge me, were these huge chimichangas that Walmart sells.  They were so big they called them XL.  I looked at the carbs for just one of these, 80.  Bear in mind I am only supposed to have 75 carbs per meal now in my new life.  So I was eating more than my allowed carb amount with just one, except I would eat two.   I am not stating this because I am proud, it has helped me gain perspective.

I became reliant on food to make me feel satisfied.  The more I ate the “better” I felt.  It is a strange bit of therapy looking back at how you lived your life.  I do not know how I lived through it or how I am not 500 pounds.  None of that matters anyway.  All I know is that it is not a healthy lifestyle.  I have found new satisfaction with food and that it is healthy.  I am eating more fish and vegetables.  I enjoy those foods but I was always more of fan of food that I could bring home and it would be ready in minutes.

Though I feel a maturity in my new eating habits, yes, it takes longer but man is it good.  I feel like I will check labels of food I used to eat with reckless abandon as a reminder to myself that I never want to go back to that way of life.  I do admit I get hungry a lot more often now but that just makes every meal that much more enjoyable.  My list of foods to regret is long, but it will be just a reminder of how well I am doing now and to keep moving forward.

I would be lying if I said that I did not miss the chimichangas but not enough to sacrifice a whole meal for them.  Seriously, they were pretty good, take my word for it.  I still eat peanut butter but I measure it out and it is still enough to make bread better.  I can still love food, and I still do just more a plutonic love though.  I just want to be friends food, it is not me, it is you.

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Tags: diabetes, diet

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