Lies vs. Denial

Lately I have spent a lot of time wondering why I lied about my diabetes so well.  Then it was suggested to me by another diabetic that while it was partly a lie some of it may have been denial.  Not denying that I was a diabetic but rather a denial of how being a diabetic would affect my health.  For a very long time I never really considered that I might lose a limb to this disease, I would always say “That only happens to other people”.  The fact that I have suffered any dire complications with this disease and my poor care for it is a miracle.  I am not saying that I haven’t had many scares in my past but nothing that made me feel vulnerable enough to take proper care.

One thing I have definitely learned is that it is better late than never to get healthy.  I cannot guarantee that I won’t suffer consequences of this disease at some point in my life but I can live with pride knowing that I did what I could to prevent it.  Also, the way I am living now is more gratifying because I am living for my future.  At 33 I have a lot of life to live and a whole lot more that I want to do with my life.  To be dead at the age of 40 will have been a waste.  I look to my future, I want a wife, I want children, and I want to be known for something other than someone who did not take any care of himself.

Being a cancer survivor was a great accomplishment for me, but it contributed to my denial.  I mean, I beat cancer!  Diabetes has nothing on cancer, right?  Of course more people die of cancer than diabetes, it is not even close.  I wonder how much closer it would be if most people did not monitor their diabetes.  I know I am not alone in being a bad diabetic but I am sure that I am in the minority.  Sometimes it takes a big event to make you realize that we need to get healthy.  I lost a lot with my recent battles with this disease.  Some things I am hoping to regain.  This is a war and I will win some battles and lose others.  I am a fighter and I am ready to face each battle head on.  Now, if you will excuse me I have a speech to give in front of a giant American flag.

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