Posts tagged "Target"

What I’m gonna do the millisecond my kids go back to school

1. I’m going to shed a tear. A tear of joy. Thank God a little salt never ruined a glass of champagne. 2. I’m going to sit down on my couch and stare off into space in complete silence for at least fifteen minutes. Nahhh, not because I have a shitload of time and nothing... Read more »

Happy Last Minute Shopping Day! So many stores, so little time

In honor of the last day of shopping before that fat guy takes credit for all the shit you came up with and worked so hard to pay for and then spent like a million hours wrapping because they all came in abnormally shaped boxes that suck. Wait, I don’t think that was a complete... Read more »

Jeans: I own like a million pairs, but I wear the same F'ing ones every day

Holy crap. Do you see the shit load of jeans I own? F'ing ridiculous.
Jeans shopping SUCKS. I bring like 4 million pairs into the fitting room, and want to slit my wrists as I cram/stuff/shoehorn my thighs into each pair. And then when I finally get them on, the fluorescent lighting makes me look like ass and the mirror adds ten pounds. To each butt cheek. So when... Read more »
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Mommy Cliques—it’s junior high all over again times like a billion

Mommy Cliques—it’s junior high all over again times like a billion
Here’s the thing. My daughter is taking this theater class that she absolutely loves. She sings, she dances, she mimes (with the understanding that if she ever does that at home I’ll beat the crap out of her), she cavorts, whatever that is. But while she’s doing all this, I’m doing the complete opposite. I’m... Read more »

Ten reasons why I could never run for president (besides the short, hairy factor)

If I were running today, I’d be so nervous right now I’d be stuffing my face with whatever I could find in the kitchen, like a bottle of bacon bits or something. I only own two pair of pants that fit me, and they’re the same pair, and they’re jeans, and they’re from Tarjay. And... Read more »

The worst $7 mistake I ever made

The worst $7 mistake I ever made
I remember the conversation like it was yesterday, which is weird because sometimes I can’t even remember my middle name. Earlier this summer my friend told me her daughter will only wear this one sundress so she has to do the laundry every night. Being the amazing friend that I am I nodded and smiled,... Read more »
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