Posts tagged "Baby Sideburns"

Why potty training sucks ass and I am not enjoying this one single bit

Why potty training sucks ass and I am not enjoying this one single bit
Okay, so hindsight is 20/20 and I really should have waited to potty train Holden because A. Diapers are like totally easy, especially if you’re like me and don’t really give a crap whether your kiddo marinates in pee-pee for a little while. And B. Potty training takes like a boatload of work and totally... Read more »

Dear Santa, do this shit or else

Halloween is totally AWESOMMMMMME except for this shit

I love Halloween. Wait, correction, I LOVVVVVVVE Halloween. Except for a lot of the shit that happens. Like this stuff: 1. KID: I want to be a zombie. MOM: Cool. I’ll go buy allllll the crap you need to be a zombie. KID: Sweet. And then I’ll change my mind and want to be a... Read more »

Kristin Cavallari must be drunk on breast milk

Wanna know what breastfeeding feels like? Try this: Take off your shirt Go get a blow torch Go get some sandpaper Go get a bunch of needles Go get a mousetrap Go get some acid Apply all of these to your nipples simultaneously And there you have it. No one ever tells you this before... Read more »

Sometimes I wish I never had kids

Okay, don’t tell a soul but I have a deep dark secret I have never shared with anyone. The truth is I have a few. Like the fact that I had hairy shoulders when I was a baby, the fact that when I throw candy away sometimes I go back to the trashcan to eat... Read more »