Posts tagged "Baby Sideburns"

Why potty training sucks ass and I am not enjoying this one single bit

Why potty training sucks ass and I am not enjoying this one single bit
Okay, so hindsight is 20/20 and I really should have waited to potty train Holden because A. Diapers are like totally easy, especially if you’re like me and don’t really give a crap whether your kiddo marinates in pee-pee for a little while. And B. Potty training takes like a boatload of work and totally... Read more »

Dear Santa, do this shit or else

Halloween is totally AWESOMMMMMME except for this shit

I love Halloween. Wait, correction, I LOVVVVVVVE Halloween. Except for a lot of the shit that happens. Like this stuff: 1. KID: I want to be a zombie. MOM: Cool. I’ll go buy allllll the crap you need to be a zombie. KID: Sweet. And then I’ll change my mind and want to be a... Read more »
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Kristin Cavallari must be drunk on breast milk

Wanna know what breastfeeding feels like? Try this: Take off your shirt Go get a blow torch Go get some sandpaper Go get a bunch of needles Go get a mousetrap Go get some acid Apply all of these to your nipples simultaneously And there you have it. No one ever tells you this before... Read more »

Sometimes I wish I never had kids

Okay, don’t tell a soul but I have a deep dark secret I have never shared with anyone. The truth is I have a few. Like the fact that I had hairy shoulders when I was a baby, the fact that when I throw candy away sometimes I go back to the trashcan to eat... Read more »
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    Karen Alpert

    Karen is the ridiculously hairy, self-deprecating writer of the blog Baby Sideburns. She has spent the past fifteen years working for national advertising agencies until she was promoted to her newest favorite job— Mommy. She lives with her two amazing kiddos and a very forgiving husband who is kind enough not to call her Cousin It when she undresses for bed every night.

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