Did Picasso's mom have to deal with shit like this?

The following is an excerpt from my book I Heart My Little A-Holes:

Okay, so last week I had Zoey’s parent-teacher conference.

TEACHER: Blah blah blah, she plays well with others. Blah blah blah, she can be a little too sensitive. Blah blah blah, and here is her self-portrait.

I look down at the page. WTF???


TEACHER: As you can see, there is the head and the arms and the legs.

But WHAT is that between her legs?

TEACHER: And she even drew ears.

ME: No, wait, I have to stop you. What is THAT?!

Because it looks to me like my DAUGHTER drew herself a pair of balls and one of them is hairy.

TEACHER: (laughing) We don’t know.

OTHER TEACHER: (laughing harder) No idea.

Fine, I’ll have to take this matter into my own hands. Later that night at home...

ME: Zoey, I have a question for you.

ZOEY: Yeah?

ME: I love this drawing you did of yourself. But what’s that between your legs?

ZOEY: (duh) Spiders on my tush.

Ahhh yes, I feel like such an idiot for asking.

ME: And what are the concentric circles in your head?

ZOE Y: I’m screaming.

ME: (blank stare)

ZOEY: Because there are spiders on my tush.

It all makes sense now. Wait, no it doesn’t. WTF WTF WTF???

This was just one of MANY hilarious chapters about hairy balls in my book I Heart My Little A-Holes. Oh wait, no, this is the only chapter about hairy balls, but there are lots of other hilarious chapters about other things.


Please check it out (and buy it!!!) at these places. Thank you so much!!!

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