Archive for January 2014

Schools are closed tomorrow, or as I like to call it "are you F'ing serious?"

Okay, I have a quick ranty kind of post to write because my kids are home yet again because of the cold weather and we are going out of our F’ing minds. So here’s the thing. I just got an email from our school saying they are going to be closed yet again tomorrow and... Read more »

Dear Justin Bieber's mom

Dear Justin Bieber’s mom, I’m sorry I don’t know your real name but I’m not one of those celebrity junkies who knows shit like that. But I don’t totally live under a rock so I’ve seen the stuff that’s been going on with your son. And I’ve also seen like a boatload of jokes about... Read more »

Vote for me if you don't want to be cursed

Muhahahahaha. Nahhhh, that’s bullshit. I’m not gonna curse ya. But in case you don’t know, this is kinda exciting. You-know-who is in the Parents Magazine Social Media Contest. No, not some other blogger who’s like the perfect mom and shit. Me, Baby Sideburns! Yup, Ice Orb Artiste Extraordinaire herself! So pleeeeeeeease, vote for me. I will... Read more »
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Subway sandwich lady, this is my F.U. to you since I'm too much of a coward to say it to your face

Okay, I just have to get something off my chest because it’s pissing me off and festering inside me and uuuurrrrgggghhhh, this is the kind of shit I can’t get out of my head sometimes but if I write about it here and a few of you guys say to stop worrying about it, I’ll... Read more »

Ice Orbs are for "those" moms and people like Martha F'ing Stewart, A.K.A not me

Ice Orbs are for "those" moms and people like Martha F'ing Stewart, A.K.A not me
So the other day I was like the shittiest mother ever. Seriously. I’m in this mom’s group that’s usually full of imperfect mothers like me, well, they’re way better than I am, but still they F up sometimes and have problems and want to lock themselves in their bathrooms and guzzle bottles of wine like... Read more »

Nine words NOT to use in the New Year

Okay, so here’s the thing. If you read my blog, you know I use a lot of, ummm uhhh, colorful language. And you probably think there’s nothing I won’t say. Well, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Yeah I say shit like shit and fuck and asswipe and twatwaffle, but here are ten words... Read more »
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Dear Tinkerbell, WTF?

Awww damn it, here’s the kind of bullshit I deal with. So Zoey’s in this new phase where she writes all sorts of notes and shit for Tinkerbell. Then she leaves it on her nightstand for Tink to pick up in the middle of the night. Being the idiot that I am, the first time... Read more »