Play date waiver form (can't say I didn't warn ya)



Participant Release of Liability
and Assumption of Risk Agreement


Dear parent whose child is coming over to play today,

Thank you for sending ___________________ over to our house. In consideration of his/her attendance and participation in this play date, you the participant's parent ___________________ acknowledge the existence of certain inherent risks in this type of activity and that any of the following might happen to your child:

Impalement by sharp objects such as colored pencils

Booboos of all shapes and sizes

Coming home wearing different underwear because they “traded”

Coming home with an expanded vocabulary, and not the kind that will help on the SATs

An abrupt need to see a therapist multiple times a week

Getting a new haircut with zigzag bangs

The sudden loss of all table manners and the ability to burp on command

Returning home with that crappy, totally loud, annoying toy you gave our daughter for her birthday

Receiving a permanent marker mustache, hopefully not a Hitler one

Coming home with pockets full of glitter that you have no idea about until you do the laundry


Pom poms in her underwear

Feathers in her butt

Coming home hopped up on shitloads of sugar

Coming home hopped up on shitloads of caffeine

Loss of eyeball(s)

The sudden need to sleep with all the lights on

Bringing home a plate of homemade cookies because we baked them but hell if I’m keeping them at my house and eating them all tonight

Bringing home a plate of homemade cookies because I’ve seen how skinny you are and I’m trying to sabotage you

Watching of Caillou which might make your child fall in love with Caillou and beg for it and worse case scenario act like Caillou

Coming home with pierced ears

Coming home with a wad of gum in her hair that requires a new pixie haircut

Random cravings for McDonalds accompanied by unbreakable tantrums until she gets it

Learning new annoying songs that she will sing at the top of her lungs until you want to stab out your eardrums

Learning a dance routine that she will make you watch over and over and over and over and over and over again, and I had to so you have to too

Coming home with the knowledge of how a baby was made because my daughter decided to explain it. Or because they got into the videos

A dingleberry because hell if I’m wiping another kid’s tush after she poops

The sudden onset of nightmares and night terrors in your child

The sudden onset of nightmares and night terrors in yourself

In signing this agreement, you concur that there are certain inherent risks associated with a play date at our house and that shit happens. You assume full responsibility for personal injury to your child, and further release and discharge the Alpert family for injury, loss or damage. If you cannot agree to this waiver, you will just have the Alpert children over to your house instead and give their mom a much-needed break. Often.









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