Holy crap, have you seen the new video Kim and Kanye made?
Aggggghhhh! I mean I know I’m always a little behind the times and like 12 million people have already watched this shit, but it’s never too late to comment on something like this. My first thought was WTF WTF WTF??? And after that here’s what went through my head:
1. Hells yeah, it’s never too early to start commemorating the life of your new baby. Unless you’re making a video of when she is conceived. Ewwwww, wrong for so many reasons.
2. Are the white stallions supposed to be your sperm, Kanye? Or your unstoppable libido? Whoa, that metaphor is deep.
3. Wait, isn’t Kim breastfeeding, so shouldn’t her nipples be like the size of salamis right now? Hey Kim, where’s the beef?
4. DIRECTOR: Hmmm, how can we make it look like they’re doing the nasty without actually showing it? Oh, I know, I’ll just make the motorcycle vibrate. A lot.
(Sing this part) Bad, bad, baaadd, bad vibrations.
5. Wait, never mind, I know why it's shaking so much. The cameraman can’t stop laughing his ass off at this dumb ass video.
6. Yeah, Kim, I get it. Once you’re splayed out nekked in front of everyone in the hospital and you walk around your joint topless for weeks getting used to breastfeeding, you kind of feel like nudity is acceptable. Well, it’s not. Especially not on YouTube.
7. Awww shit, everyone knows that if you’re gonna have sex speeding down the highway, you should always wear a helmet. Tsk tsk, Kim and Kanye. What kind of example are you setting for your daughter?
8. Of allllll the pictures and videos you take, this is the one you should play at North’s wedding if you want to embarrass her a little.
9. And speaking of your daughter, now I’m totally confused. I mean shouldn’t she be Harley or Yamaha or Kawasaki? Kawasaki Kardashian, yeahhhhh.
10. Wait, what did he say? “I wanna fuck you hard on the sink.” Awwww shit, well, you totally messed up, Kanye, because this isn’t a sink. This is a motorcycle. But I can see why that might be confusing.
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