The SkyMall magazine is so entertaining, and by entertaining I mean it has some weird ass shit

Yeah yeah yeah, I’m on an airplane SANS kiddos (and if you don’t speak French, that means WITHOUT the kiddos) and I am SOOOOOOOOOOO excited. It’s just me, myself and my iPad for the next three hours.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: (perky) Please turn off all electronic devices so we can back this mofo up and get this shit on the road. (paraphrased)

Awww mannn, it’s been so long since I’ve flown alone that I forgot that I can’t use my iPad for the first twenty minutes of the flight. Grrr, I can totally picture my stack of unread People magazines sitting next to the toilet back at home and it’s KILLING ME. That’s okay, I’ll just sit here and rest my brain. Aggghhh, I can’t stop thinking about how one of the wings is going to fall off this plane and we're going to plunge to our death in this tin can.

Ooh ooh, I know what I’ll do. I’ll crack open the SkyMall magazine. Saweeeeet. Have you ever opened the SkyMall magazine? Do you know what's in it? It’s basically full of AMAZING shit I can’t afford and HORRENDOUS shit that I’m like who the F would buy that?  Let us discuss a few.

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