Dear dad who pushes his kid wayyy too hard

Dear Dad who just instructed his daughter NOT to fall off the balance beam today in gymnastics class,

Okay, thank GOD our kids are here because if they weren’t I’d probably go off on you. WTF? These kids are in preschool. So A. They’re gonna fall off the balance beam. And B. They’re not F’ing Nadia Comineech (no idea if this is how you spell her name but I’m too lazy to look it up). And even if they were Nadia, do you think Nadia NEVER fell off the balance beam in practice? I mean isn’t that what class is for? So you can try lots of new shit and fall off over and over and over again until you can do it without falling off?

You know, part of me hopes your daughter sucks ass at gymnastics so it’s a total disappointment to you. But then I thought about it more and I actually hope she’s great so that you’re less of an asshole to her and so that she does well in class and after years of building up her skills, she goes to the Olympics, wins and has so much self-confidence that she looks up at you in the stands and tells you to F off for being such an a-hole dad.


Nahhh wait, that is way too nice.


Baby Sideburns

P.S. If you agree, please join my Facebook page and check out my new book when it's out in a few weeks. Thank you!!!


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