Archive for September 2013

It's like crazy hard to make new friends when you're a grownup

So recently something totally strange happened to me. I made a new friend. WHAT???!!! That like hardly ever happens when you’re an adult. Yeah, one day we’re sitting in music class introducing ourselves to each other, and the next day my family is going over to her house for dinner and my husband’s all like... Read more »

Dear parents who don't think it's fair to ban nuts from school

Dear Parents at __________ School who don’t think it’s fair for the school to ban nut products, So I just heard the story about your school and even though my kids don’t go there, I still couldn’t help but have an opinion. Now if you don’t want to hear what I think, feel free to... Read more »

WTF, I have like the hardest job on earth and I don’t get paid jack shit for it

Okay, you know what I hate more than anything? Well, not ANYTHING. I mean I hate a few things more. Like Hitler. And olives. But I digress. Do you know what I hate a whole lot? When I’m standing there with my rug rats and someone asks me whether I work. Duh, WTF? Do you... Read more »

Lice, I hate your guts, but if you're gonna stop by this is the weekend to do it

Awwwww shit, look what just popped up in my inbox. Dear Parents, A case of head lice was reported in your child’s classroom. WTF WTF WTF?! Welcome back to school! Here are her new teachers, here are the new students, oh and here are some nasty ass bugs that’ll crawl all over your kiddo’s scalp... Read more »

Can I make my son gay?

Okay, so this morning I’m trying to put my daughter’s hair up which is basically like trying to put the Tasmanian Devil’s hair into a ponytail when my two-year-old son walks up to me holding a hair band. HOLDEN: Pony hair. ME: Thanks Holden. Zoey, hold the F still. Well, I didn’t use the F... Read more »

Target is the best store on earth and maybe even the universe

Dear Tarjay, How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. 1. La la la la laaaa, shopping for school supplies, but wait, oh what do we have here? A wine aisle! Don’t mind if I do. And then la la la la laaaa, shopping for cheese now, and oh wait again, another wine section!... Read more »

Ten tips to writing a kickass online dating profile

Okay, you guys are probably like why the hell are YOU writing this list? You’re not single. Well, not too long ago I was. Until I did that whole online dating thing and met my totally awesome, badass, studmuffin hubby there. So yeah, I’m an F’ing expert on this subject and I’d be an a-hole... Read more »