Archive for August 2013

Uhhh YEAH I'd rather be a man. For like a million reasons

So here’s a deep dark secret I’ve never shared before. I wish I were a man. Wait, hmmm, that didn’t come out right. I don’t mean in a transgender kinda way, not that there’s anything wrong with that. Alls I’m saying is that I think being a man would be soooo much better than being a... Read more »

I love summer. Wait no, correction, I LOVED summer and now I F'ing hate its guts

Okay, so I know come January I’m going to be bitching and moaning about the fact that it’s so F’ing cold my nipples just fell off on my walk through the Tarjay parking lot, but here’s the thing, I am SO ready for summer to be over. No, that is not a typo. I’m sick... Read more »

Ten sure-fire ways to make sure douchebags don't ring your doorbell during nap time

Awww crap, are you F’ing kidding me? I just rocked my little rug rat for like 16 hours and sang him like 9,000 lullabies and two minutes after he FINALLLLY falls asleep, what happens? DING DONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “WAHHHHHHHHH!!!” Are you F’ing kidding me? Yo delivery dude, did you just choose to ignore the little post it... Read more »
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Hot damn, Disney princesses, you look smokin'

As if there aren’t enough naked Barbie dolls lying around my house making me feel like shit about my jiggly thighs, I have to stumble upon this beauty on the internet. Ahhh yes, this is exactly what I needed to see. Nine Disney princesses and how awesome they look in bathing suits. I don’t know... Read more »

The Windi-- just whistle while you toot, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo

The Windi-- just whistle while you toot, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Agggghhhhh! Have you seen this?!!! So I know a lot of you got pissed at me for dissing the Nosefrida snotsucker and I might get ripped a new one for making fun of this, but if we can’t laugh at a product like this then WTH can we laugh at? So here goes. This is... Read more »
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    Karen Alpert

    Karen is the ridiculously hairy, self-deprecating writer of the blog Baby Sideburns. She has spent the past fifteen years working for national advertising agencies until she was promoted to her newest favorite job— Mommy. She lives with her two amazing kiddos and a very forgiving husband who is kind enough not to call her Cousin It when she undresses for bed every night.

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