So the other day we’re driving in Chicago when my daughter points out the window.
ZOEY: Look a rainbow flag!
Now Zoey is at the age that she is like ridiculously into rainbows. Like if you ask her what her favorite color is right now she’ll answer rainbow. The first time she said it I was like, “Rainbow is not a color” and she burst out in tears, so now I just nod my head and pretend like rainbow is in fact a color even though it’s not. Saying rainbow is your favorite color is like if someone asks you what do you want to drink and you answer, “Coke, 7Up, root beer, gingerale, lemonade, Dr. Pepper and milk.
Anyways, Zoey says, "Look a rainbow flag," and this is how I answer.
ME: Yeah, it’s to support gay people.
ZOEY: What is gay?
Awww shit, did I seriously just open that can of worms? Awww shit, why do I think explaining the meaning of gay is a can of worms? What I should be thinking is why the F does my kid not know what gay is yet? I mean Disney has been ramming heterosexuality down her throat since the day she was conceived. So I should be totally psyched that I have a natural opening to start this conversation with her.
Anyways, this is how I explain it.
ME: Gay is when a man loves a man.
ZOEY: (puzzled look)
Of course she could just be puzzled because she’s thinking about something else by now like why the F is Caillou bald or some shit like that, but I think she heard me.
ME: Like if a boy loves a boy, he’s gay. Or if a girl loves a girl, she’s gay.
ZOEY: (a tiny bit less puzzled, but still not there yet)
ME: Fine. You know how in your Disney books a princess loves a prince? Well, sometimes a princess loves a princess. Or a prince loves a prince.
ZOEY: Like Flynn Rider?
ME: No, Flynn Rider isn’t gay. He married Rapunzel.
ZOEY: Prince Eric?
ME: No, he married Ariel.
WTF? Why does everything have to be about Disney? But fine, whatever, you want an example kid? Since Disney ain't gonna give you one, I am. Here goes:
ME: And that, Zoey, is what gay is.
ZOEY: Why is Caillou bald?
ME: I have no F'ing idea.
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