Archive for April 2013

So basically the lesson here is just stomp your foot and act like an a-hole and you’ll get the part you want

I am not a stage mom. In fact, I’m like the F’ing opposite of a stage mom. I sit in the audience praying some rug rat does something totally crazy or wrong to screw up the show and make it more interesting. Otherwise it’s just a bunch of really short actors doing like the worst... Read more »

I'm a dirty dirty girl. Ewwww, not like that! Get your mind out of the gutter

Sometime after pushing my first 8-pound bowling ball out my vaginal deferens, I succumbed (succame???) to the fact that my to-do list would always be a mile long and would never be finished. This was not easy since I’ve always been one of those crazies who has post-it notes everywhere and practically gizzes (jizzes?) when... Read more »

The Boston Marathon is F’ing amazing and so are most people

It’s hard to know what to write when shit like this happens. Most people are totally awesome in this world, but there are always a few trolls who want to bring the others down. It reminds me of when you buy a batch of strawberries and almost the whole batch is red and delicious except... Read more »

Who takes care of Mommy when Mommy’s sick? Bwahahahahahaha! Trick question!

Dear Hubby, I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry you’re feeling soooo awful today. I can tell by the way you can barely lift the remote and how you make those moaning noises when you walk to the bathroom that you must be really truly sick. I’m so glad you are absolutely positively... Read more »

Hells yeah, a vagi steam demonstration! Blaggh, I feel gross just typing the word vagi

If you think I’m a weird crackpot, see ya later. If you think this is kind of funnyish and want more where this came from, please like my facebook page.
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    Karen Alpert

    Karen is the ridiculously hairy, self-deprecating writer of the blog Baby Sideburns. She has spent the past fifteen years working for national advertising agencies until she was promoted to her newest favorite job— Mommy. She lives with her two amazing kiddos and a very forgiving husband who is kind enough not to call her Cousin It when she undresses for bed every night.

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