To Very Special Mothers

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you moms out there! I hope you are having a lovely day! I'm off enjoying some family time with my boys, so here is an oldie but goody from last year. Enjoy!

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One of the great things about being the Ay, Mama! Sunday blogger is that I usually get to honor those I love on days like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. In years past, I have written about both my mother and my mother-in-law, two amazing women who have deeply touched my life and whom I love dearly.

This year, I would like to talk about two women who have impacted my life in similar ways, who have changed me forever and to whom I owe a great deal of my happiness. One of these women has no idea who I am. I refer, of course, to my children’s birth mothers.

I have to admit that, in years past, Bill and I didn’t give too much thought to Dylan’s birth mother. His was a closed adoption and he had been at the baby house from the time he was three months old, so we pretty much felt like the Delphin House was the one who had given us the gift of our son.

We have very little information on Dylan’s birth mom and will not discuss the reasons she gave for relinquishment on this page, but we are lucky enough to have a picture of her, something most Kaz families don’t have. We cherished the picture as something important for Dylan as he grew up and started asking questions about his adoption, but we never gave too much thought to the young woman in the image. Until Liam’s adoption, that is.

Choosing to go the domestic adoption route was a whole new ball game for us. It involves a lot of contact with the birth mothers even before placement. Although the trend now a days is for open adoptions, at first we weren’t sure how comfortable we felt with that, so we chose an agency that specializes in semi-open adoptions, meaning you send letters and pictures to the birth mother through the agency, but you don’t know each other’s last names, cities, or other identifying information. I believe Liam’s birth mom was equally as unsure about the level of contact she wanted to have with us, because she originally requested updates every three months for the first year and once a year after that.

However, as we started talking on the phone – and then on Skype – with her before the adoption, a relationship began to develop. When we met with her before the birth and spent time with her even after she signed the papers, we knew we wanted her to be a bigger part of Liam’s life than just a face in a picture.

Now, we are in frequent contact with her and pictures flow back and forth frequently. When Liam reaches a milestone, one of my first thoughts is “I can’t wait to tell her about it.” We are so happy that she is part of our lives and know that she feels the same way about us. As he grows up, I know Liam will cherish this special relationship with his birth family.

Of course, this makes me wonder about Dylan’s birth mother. I wish there was a way to know whether she would welcome contact with us, or whether she would rather not. For Dylan’s sake, I wish we had some more information on her and her family. Most of all, I wish we could express to her how grateful we are to her for the sacrifice she made and for the incredible gift she has given us.

To these two women, on this and every Mother’s Day, I want to say Thank You. Thank you for these amazing boys who fill my heart with joy every day. Thank you for allowing me the greatest wish of my life – to be a mother. You are the reason I am able to celebrate this special day, and no other words can describe how much of an impact you have made in my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

 

 

 

 

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  • Khadine, thanks for highlighting birth mothers in your moving post. I am glad Dylan at least has a picture of his birth mother and some information about why she gave him up for adoption. Liam is very lucky to have so much contact with his birth mother.

    Our son's case is between Dylan's and Liam's. Like you, we also were leery of open adoptions when we first went into it. However, our experience with Nina, our foster daughter, made us realize what a big part of our children's identities their birth families are. When we were placed with Lenny, we were eager and embracing of the prospect of an open adoption because we had established such a good relationship with Nina's mom. Unfortunately, due to circumstances surrounding Lenny's birth family, we had to settle for semi-open (although, sadly, the last time I heard from Lenny's birth mother was two years ago, when he turned two). The good news is I have a fair amount of information about his birth family - which, hopefully, will help him as he gets older.

  • In reply to jiyer:

    Happy very belated Mother's Day! Sorry it took so long to respond. Thank you, as always, for sharing your story with me. I am sorry you have lost contact with Lenny's birth mother. From what I have seen in the adoption world, that is pretty common, and I am already trying to prepare myself for the possibility that we might also lose touch with Liam's birthmom at some point. Hopefully you will be able to get back in touch with her sometime in the future.

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