Gym Denizens

I like the word "denizen", but for some reason, I only tend to hear it when discussing woodland creatures.

In light of the blog I wrote about the peope I run into at the library, I thought I would do a nod to those fellow excersice enthusiasts I see when I go to the gym. Everyone I mention totally gets credit for being out there and doing something for their health. I am especially happy to see senior citizens going through their cycle of machines, and hope they will have a longer and healthier life as a result. (Although, when I see that the one guy reached the ab exerciser before me, I have to write off that machine. He will actually do his sit ups for the next 30 minutes. He must have Abs of Steele, I say!)

Then there are the "Naked Asians" in the showers, steam room, sauna and locker room, but you become inured after awhile. Odd that it is rare to see another naked nationality, as a whole, strolling naked through there. Kudos for being proud of your nakedness. I, however, will undress in the corner, slyly and faster than you can realize I have already depantsed (is that a word? It looks off, but sounds right, and we do say it a lot at home when we "pants" someone.)

And now for the people at my gym.

The OCD Tri-Guy: this guy must have the best arms in the world. He gets onto the triceps machine and does several reps at a high weight before frantically logging those reps onto the little note card he keeps handy for such usage.

I have yet to see him use another piece of equipment.

Gallagher: He's a nice man, and super skinny. That said, he looks like just like the watermelon smashing comedian, and yes, even sports a headband over his wiry hair. Try as I might, I am unable to get past this resemblance every single time I see him.

I believe Gallagher is connected somehow to That 80's Chick: White high top sneakers. Scrunched black socks. Bicycle shorts. Tousled hair. Headband as well. I secretly watch her, and wish Oprah was still on air so we could do a make over. She has potential to be a knock out, it's just the wrong decade for her look.

The Cute Boy: Ok, he's a man, and I saw him only once, but on that day, my workout felt like nothing.  I may have snuck a few peeks. Just saying. (Sorry Scott, but you do it too.)

The Booby Twins: OK, fine, I call them the European X-Strippers, and they are not twins. They are about 35-40 now, but have monsterous bazongas that are prominent display in their leotards. When they walk onto the workout floor, nearly every man stares, which is hilarious. They'll be lifting -doo-ta-doo, suddenly see boobs pass by, and slowly lower the bar, watching. Watching. Watching. Then the "Oh, I should probably lift again...aren't I strong, ladies". SO f-ing funny.

Brad Pitt? Is he in town? Are they filming in Chicago and he came out to to the burbs to workout amongst the masses? This guy looks like a messy Brad, with the long hair, dimples, and dark mussed hair I have only seen beneath a stocking hat- even in summer.

The Singer: I have only seen her once, just this week, and that was enough for me. I was on the stationary bike with my ipod on, reading. She sat right next to me (there were plenty of other bikes open), and began singing. Loudly. And off-key. To 'KC and the Sunshine Band'. I turned up my music, and giggled as she belted out random verses. Did I mention how loud and off key she was? In all fairness, she looked like she was having way more fun than the rest of us, especially when she added in funky dance moves with her arms to the rest of the song. I was thankful my 30 minutes was up and could move on.

Really, what in the hell else are you to do at the gym besides people watch? And sweat?

Ay, Mama!

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Tags: People watching


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