I hate puberty and the stinky hormones it rode in on. I have to focus my anger at this necessary phase in life because if I don’t, I’ll start tossing cars at my son and any girl who fits the definition of a teenager and even smiles at or waves her fingers his way.
I’ve been pushed this point by my 7th grader’s interest in girls and these... hot mamas’ interest in my son.
Some of this isn't brand new, he's always been one to swoon over the opposite sex - but now, these... chicks are trying to grab his innocence and run out the door with it -- at least that's how it looks to me.
This summer while at Hyde Park’s Summer Festival my grooving to Roy Ayers I was interrupted by a phone call from my son who was on the other side of the park:
Him: “Mom! A 14 year old girl likes me!”
Me: “Excuse me?!”
Him: “She came up to me! She likes me!”
Me: [heart beat. heart beat. cardiac arrest] “OK. Listen to me: DO NOT KISS HER! DO NOT KISS HER! DO YOU HEAR ME?”
Him: “OK. Yes, I hear you.”
Me: “I’m serious. You can get her phone number so you can talk later but DO NOT KISS HER. I NEED YOU TO LISTEN & TRUST ME ON THIS”
Him: “OK Mom”
Me: “OK. I love you and I look forward to hearing ALL about it. Oh and uhm… Congratulations” [??]
Him: “I love you too. And thanks”
It was during our conversation later that evening that I found out this brazen... cougar was the older sister of a girl in his class. [WTCuss?!]
And it was in the follow-up conversation that I found out this was the same … hottie who shouted “Hey sexy!” to my son a few weeks prior while he was at the playground.
Him: “Mom, you were there, but I don’t know if you heard it”
Me: "Actually, I did hear it – but just knew that no one was talking to you”
Him: “Well, it was her and she was”
Me: “OK, you do know that was inappropriate… and she’s a liar. You’re not sexy”
Me: “You’re going into the 7th grade – it’s biologically impossible for you to be sexy. And I’d better not ever hear about you shouting that to anyone. It’s tacky and no good can come from it.”
Unfortunately there have been other incidents – with other… broads. *Including a girl who did the two finger eye point from her eyes to his eyes and back to hers. [ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME?!] What is going on with these... hormonian [is that a word?] children???
True, my boy is already 5’11” and handsome as all get-out, so he looks the part. [UGH!] All it takes is for one older partner to lead the way; his castle doors will open and my 1st baby will be gone, forEVER. I promise you, no one in our home is ready for that.
[Oh puberty -- Why? Why? What have we ever done to you?]
His Dad and I continue to have joint and separate conversations with him about sex, his body and being respectful. I even double-backed to touch base on why I told him not to kiss that first… one.
Me: “I’m not trying to make you scared of girls or anything. And we’ve talked about the sex thing – but kissing can be just as problematic. You don’t know where these… people have been and you can still get diseases from kissing.”
Him: “Like gingivitis?”
Me: “Uh yeah, among other things…”
At that point, I looked at my beautiful man-child playing with his belly button while we plainly discussed his excitement and concerns about this next phase of his life and said a silent prayer for his safe journey into manhood.
And while I feel incredibly blessed that he is healthy and still willing to share his thoughts, I am still clear: I hate puberty.