Diary of an Adoption

Last April, we received a call from our adoption case manager letting us know that we had been chosen by another birth mother. As we had recently experienced the heartbreak of a failed adoption, we were VERY nervous and scared to enter into this process again, but adoption is all about leaps of faith. We wanted another child, so we just had to close our eyes and jump in, hoping the outcome would be different this time around.

We told only our parents about the match, and swore them to absolute secrecy. Our siblings were told about two weeks before we traveled. Nobody else knew. I felt like I was about to burst the whole two months before we waited to travel. Every time we got together with friends, I wanted to scream “We’re getting a new baby!” but I was just too afraid. I didn’t want to take any chances of anything going wrong this time around.

We did nothing to prepare for our trip except buy a couple of extremely neutral newborn outfits (white, yellow, etc.) in case this one didn’t work out either. We did not touch the nursery room except to take out the baby girl’s name from the wall.

I was a nervous wreck. The Weight Watchers POINTS went completely out the window and the emotional eating was out of control. I called or emailed my case manager just about every day and probably drove her up the wall asking the same questions over and over again.

Getting back on a plane to travel for the induction was so terrifying I almost couldn’t move. The thought of going home empty-handed yet again was too much to bear. We decided to arrive a few days before the scheduled induction so Dylan, Bill and I could have some time to be tourists in anew city and explore it as a family. We had a great time and it certainly took some of the stress out of the situation.

I don’t want to share a lot of details about the birthmother or our interactions with her because I feel they are too personal to share in this forum, but let me just say this: she is wonderful, and we have come to greatly care for her and her amazing family, whom we also had the pleasure to meet.

One beautiful night in mid-June, we headed to the hospital, were we visited with the birthmother while she was being induced. A few hours later a perfect, tiny, gorgeous baby boy was placed in my arms, and I fell completely, head over heels in love.

Two days later, we all gathered at the hospital to sign the paper work, and little “L” officially became a part of our family (because a domestic adoption takes a few months to finalize, however, I have decided to no share any pictures or identifying information on our little guy until all is said and done). 

We took him custody of him that very same day, and he has been blessing our lives ever since. I cannot even begin to describe how much happiness this little guy has brought to our lives. HE is what we were waiting for, and now that he is here everything has fallen into place. After all the years of waiting, after all the months of pain at our loss, our family is finally complete.

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  • Imagino que terminaste la historia de la adopción. Está muy bien desarollada y expresa muy bien los sentimientos y stress que pasastes, pero creo que si ti olvidó hacer un pequeno comentario sobre el sufrimento de tus familiares cercanos como tus padres, suegra, hermano y cuñadas.
    Todos estabamos ansiosos y en stress para que pudieras lograr tu cometido y todos compartimos tu felicidad al tener un final tan especial en esta creaturita que irradia alegria con sus nuevos padres. Los felicitamos a ti y a Bill por la perseverancia.

  • In reply to Valmir:

    Si, ya la termine! Me alegro que te haya gustado, y gracias por las felicitaciones!

  • Thank you for sharing this story. We recently had a failed adoption and are grieving that loss. It is so helpful to hear from others that have been there and kept on hoping and believing. Thank you for giving me hope tonight.


  • In reply to Dana:

    I am so sorry to hear about your failed placement, Dana. I chose to share my story for precisely that reason, to maybe help others going through the same situation, and am glad my story helped you a bit tonight. Hang in there. Sending good wishes your way...

  • Khadine, you give me goosebumps! Congratulations on your beautiful new boy!!

  • In reply to jiyer:

    Thank you!!! We are over the moon! :-)

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