A friend of my recently suffered the devastating loss of her unborn child halfway through her pregnancy. When I reached out to her to offer my condolences, she said she couldn't understand why these tragedies happen to good people, people who would give anything to dedicate their lives to loving a child.
I understand this feeling all too well. For many years, month after month, I would ask myself the same question. Why not me? Why don't I get to have a baby, when I am in a good, financially-stable relationship and we have so much we could offer a child? When I am a good person, a person who has always wanted to be a mother? Why is this happening to me?
When I found out about my friend's pregnancies, I couldn't help wondering, Why them? Why do they deserve this happiness and I don't? Why do some of us experience such heartache when, all over the world, many less-than-deserving people are getting pregnant and having babies every day?
I eventually chose adoption and can truly assert that I have no interest in being pregnant anymore, but sometimes, when I hear of a tragedy like that of my friend's and compare it to some of the horror stories I've been hearing about on the news lately, I can't help but get angry at the universe.
Why not my friend, when she is one of the most kind-hearted people you would ever meet, when she would absolutely love this baby more than life itself? Why does she not get to have her child, yet a woman in France was able to deliver and subsequently murder EIGHT newborn babies? Why not her, but the woman who recently threw her newborn child down a trash chute in New York City? Why does my friend not get to hold her baby in her arms, yet a woman in Ohio, given the same blessing, puts her baby in a microwave and cooks her to death?
I could go on and on listing more stories, but the truth is, there is just no answer to the "why" question other than biology, and that somehow just doesn't seem enough, does it?
There are very few words of comfort one can offer to a woman who has suffered the loss of a baby, be it during pregnancy, after birth, or even through a failed adoption. The pain is too raw, the injustices of the world too clear.
Hopefully, with time, her heart will start to heal and she will open herself once more to the idea of having a child. Hopefully she will try, again and again, taking whatever path to motherhood she feels is right for her. Hopefully, one day, she will finally get to hold her much-awaited child in her arms. She will look at that sweet little face, snuggled up against her chest, and feel her heart swell with love. And then she will ask herself, Why me? How did I get to be this lucky?