"My GOD!" I screamed as I scooted that damned little weight block up and up the scale at the gym- and it still wouldn't balance! I had to actually move that big black block UP into a new 10-lb range that I have not seen since pregnancy. I was pregnant then. PREGNANT!
Shit. Shit, Shit!
I'm not gonna get all Oprah on you and start an 'oooh, lose weight with me' contest. Basically, I disgusted myself. Please, take a photo with me pouting in a sports bra and label it "Before"- as I've hit that 'before moment'. (The new rock bottom?)
I know what I should and shouldn't be eating, and go to the gym more to avoid an early death rather than for a slim waistline. I am realistic- that body I had before pregnancy is loooong gone. I know I'm not obese, (though my jeans are snugger than I'd like), but we all know where our bodies 'should be' weight-wise; what feels right and healthy for us. Are you where you 'should' be right now?
The crappiest thing is that I go to the gym. I bike. I sweat! I make silly rules for myself every year that I have to keep: No fried potato products (this year). No movie theater or bar popcorn (going on 5 years). I've even eschewed doughnuts for Pete's sake, and yet- this new weight level?! Egads!
About a year ago, I bought some skinny jeans, and was so thrilled. When I asked the age old question about looking fat in them, Scott laughed at me and said that skinny jeans, "are self-editing". I have not worn them in a months. Apparently, I was cut... (or rather, my muffin top was!)
The bottom line, which I hate to face: I am getting older. My metabolism is slowing, and I fear that 'the change' may actually be nearer than I wish to accept. As Scott's mom Joan is fond of saying, "Nobody said getting older didn't hurt." Well, ouch!
Alas, when I want a snack, I am grabbing a grapefruit instead and then cursing up a storm. All this- right in time for Girl Scout Cookies and Cadbury Eggs! Ay, Mama!
(*Thanks to Chicago author and blogger extraordinaire Jen Lancaster for my title- which is also the title of her 3rd book. DO check her out.)