Womb-Watch

Everyone has heard a version of this story. Maybe it happened to a friend of a friend. Or a cousin's neighbor's niece. But everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has heard of someone who adopted a child and shortly afterward became pregnant (often with twins). So I wasn't surprised that from the moment I arrived home with Dylan, "Womb-Watch 2009" began.

 

All throughout our adoption process, we had many friends and family members insist that I would get pregnant before we received "The Call." When that didn't happen they just switched the deadline to before the end of the first year of Dylan being home. The first few months were the worst. If I complained about gaining a few pounds, the instant response was: "Do you think you're pregnant?" If I mentioned I was feeling a little bloated, they thought there was a definite chance I could be pregnant. If I said I was feeling tired, I definitely must be pregnant. Never mind the fact that I was still jet-lagged and adjusting to parenting a toddler!

 

Living in the suburbs didn't help matters any, either. Anywhere you go here, you are surrounded by pregnant women. The talk is constantly about babies, pregnancy and labor. There are very few lonelier things than being a young, childless couple living in the suburbs. Everyone is always on the lookout for a pending stork announcement. To further the baby obsession, this was the year Octomom, John and Kate Plus 8, and 18 Kids and Counting became household names. Everyone had babies on the brain, and the media pounced.

 

The obsession endures to this day. Open any tabloid magazine and you see several stories speculating about whether this or that actress has a baby bump, complete with an arrow or circle outlining the "telltale" area of the formerly emaciated celebrity that gained a well-needed 5 or 10 pounds. Mariah Carey, Fergie, Jennifer Garner and Kate Middleton (Prince William's girlfriend) are just some of the celebs who have recently been the target of media pregnancy speculation.  

 

Of course, I am not a celebrity, but after going through my own personal "womb-watch" period, I began sympathizing with them in a way I never thought I would. The words "Just watch, now that Dylan's home and you're relaxed, you'll get pregnant" would come out of the mouths of just about everyone I talked to. I know they had nothing but the most sincere good will towards me, but having another baby on top of the one I had recently adopted and was just now starting to really get to know was not my idea of a good time. I couldn't imagine going to a hospital to visit a friend who had just popped out her first baby and was still recovering, telling her "I bet you'll be pregnant again within just a few months," and expecting her to greet these news with an enthusiastic smile.

 

The truth was, I didn't want to get pregnant. I had waited so long to have a child at home I just wanted to enjoy having Dylan home and bask in every little detail of him for a few years.  I still don't want to get pregnant. Would I like to have another child in the near future? Yes, I would. Another adopted child. For now, though, I am thoroughly enjoying being the mother of one, and if for some reason we are unable to adopt again, I think I would still feel like the luckiest mom in the world.

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  • Khadine, I thought this "womb watch" was cultural but I have heard it so many times. It's never a person you know personally but the friend of the friend type. A close friend of ours also adopted and also went on this "womb watch" and guess what nothing, its been over 2 years know. Definitely enjoy Dylan. I really enjoyed this entry.

  • In reply to vlopez:

    Glad you liked it, Vero, and WELCOME BACK!!!! And you're abolutely right. It always seems to be the friend of a friend type of thing, although I know that it DOES happen. Just not to everyone who adopts! :-)

  • Cuando lo pones asi, tienes tantisima razon! A mi me hubiera dado un ataque al corazon si despues de parir a Lucia me hubieran dicho que iba a salir en cinta inmediatamente! Muy bueno, Khadine!

  • In reply to NinaGoyco:

    Gracias, Nina! Me alegro que te haya gustado :-)

  • Interesting entry/ topic....good job (as usual) expressing yourself. :) I've experienced- not specifically on this topic- that people sometimes don't think about what they're saying or implying....even though they have good intentions/hopes/mean well/ etc. Tricky part of life....I like how you've described & shared your experience & the adoption experience...makes sense & good for people to think about.

  • In reply to kathikubal:

    Thanks, Kathi. I was a bit afraid posting this entry for fear people wouldn't understand what I was trying to say, but you just described it perfectly! Makes me feel a lot better!

  • In reply to kathikubal:

    Even if with good intentions, people always want to "administer" ones life...First they ask you when you will graduate college, then when you will get married, when you will have kids and then they begin to talk about the "disadvantages" of being an only child....Forget about it all! There is no only-one "proper" way of living life, just like there is no only-one type of family. Bump or not, you have a beautiful, healthy child -and thats whats important! If Dylan ever has a brother or sister (either by biological or legal means) it will be something wonderful but, if it doesnt ever happen (or you decide that you dont want to), he will also be a very lucky only child -just like I tell my Katerina she is! Lets rejoice in what we do have and make the best of it without adding unecesary preasures or regrets! And thank you Khadine for being brave and discussing the issue!

  • In reply to KarenGJ:

    Well said, Karen! And thank you for commenting, it's great to hear from you here! I agree with everything you said above. Thanks for the props on bravery, too. You have no idea how nervous I was about posting this one, lol! :-)

  • In reply to KarenGJ:

    What makes me the maddest is that people don't realize that someone might not be able to get pregnant at all. It happened to my Mom during the eight years that she battled conceiving issues. Even my grandma asked. I almost chewed my mother in law's head off when Amelia was born and I could barely sit or contain my emotions and she asked if I was going to have another one.. I have friends that have lost their uterus after birth and can't have anymore. And then there are people who just want one. I think we all have to think before we ask and stop claiming that motherhood is a walk in the park, a bed of roses that we all embark on without consequences. He dicho. Te quedo buenisimo como siempre y tienes todo mi permiso de contestar barbaridades cuando te pregunten!

  • In reply to abelaval:

    Gracias, Ana! Definitivamente es una situacion que le ha pasado a bastante gente. Yo he aprendido a pensar mucho antes de abrir la boca luego de pasar por esto, y he decidido por mantenerme callada y no hacer preguntas. Uno nunca sabe por lo que esta pasando la otra persona!

  • In reply to abelaval:

    Great post, Khadine! I agree with what everyone has written here. I think that people need to stop asking questions and suggesting what could or should happen in your life.

    It took me much longer to conceive our second. I almost thought it might never happen. And what drove me to absolute insanity was when people kept asking me when Lilija was going to have another sister or brother. Or, worse, they would bend down to Lilija and tell her, "Tell your mamma you want a little brother or sister." How inconsiderate! They didn't know I was trying and I thought it was so inconsiderate of these people to say such things.

    I even had family members tell me that I should hurry up and consider a second, so that Lilija and her sibling would be close in age, because otherwise, the kids wouldn't be close to one another. I just remember thinking, "what?!" First of all, it's none of their business (also inconsiderate), and then I thought about my sister and me. We are almost 6 years apart and great friends! Plus, I remember one person who gave me this suggestion was someone who is close in age to his brother, but they don't even get along half the time. Hmmm....

    So, just ignore everyone. What is meant for you and your family will be. And that's that.

  • In reply to anitarudite:

    Thanks for sharing your story, Anita. I know all too well the discomfort that those kinds of comments evoke, and I totally sympathize with you. We all just need to step back and THINK before we speak. As I said before, you never know what the other person is going through. Glad you liked the post!

  • In reply to anitarudite:

    Me encant

  • In reply to Valmir:

    TERCERO???!!!??? No way! Creo que 2 y no mas, pero te agradezco por tu apoyo y se que van a adorar al segundo/a tanto como adoran a Dylan, el rey de todas nuestras casas, jajaja!

  • In reply to KarenGJ:

    Interesante manera de expresarse, pero, en el fondo, toda mujer y todo hombre tiene deseo de tener su proprio hijo. Nadie puede controlar el destino, pero si Dios nos dio posibilidades para intentar de otras maneras yo creo que si debe hacer (ejemplo:fertilizacion in vitro, tratamiento para estimar la ovulacion, etc). Cuando esto falla estonces tenemos que buscar la felicidad de otra forma: adoption.
    Tu conoces muy bien mi manera de pensar como padre y como medico, pero
    respecto tu manera de pensar y ver las cosas.

  • In reply to Valmir:

    Si, conozo y respeto tu manera de pensar, y me encanta el hecho de que aunque pienses de esa manera se te salen las babas al ver a ese nieto tuyo! :-)

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