How Do You Know That 'You're Done'?

Done with what you ask...having kids.  It's funny.  As soon as you get married, people want to know when you are going to start having kids.  Then you have your first baby and people immediately want to know when you are going to have your second one.  And if you have two boys [or two girls], people still ask if you are going to 'go for the girl [or boy]'. 


There are many reasons why women decide that they are 'done' having kids: health issues, age, finances, lack of support, overwhelmed, etc.  But putting all of those reasons aside, are you really ever 'done' having kids?


For me, yes, I am done having kids and my reasons are age (I'm almost 42) and finances.  If those did not exist, I might want more children, and yes, I would be 'going for that girl'.   


Don't get me wrong.  There are days when I can't wait for naptime or when I actually don't mind going to work.  But overall, Cooper and Cole are amazing and I would love to have more.


It took me awhile to come to terms with being 'done' with having kids even though I always knew that two was our limit.  During a doctor's visit when I was pregnant with Cole, I was scheduling my c-section when the doctor brought up getting my tubes-tied.  I froze.  I couldn't do it.  It was too final...too permanent.  I was not ready to take that final step. 


Funny, just the other day my good friend Kim called me and asked if I was pregnant.  I was like...WHAT?  You see Kim had a dream that was pregnant with a little girl.  The thing with Kim is she NEVER dreams or at least never remembers her dreams.  The last time she remembered her dream, she dreamt that I was pregnant, and I was, but had not told her yet.  So even though I am pretty confident that I am NOT pregnant, it still shook me a little and also made me feel kind of sad. 


Overall, I am good with our decision to have only two kids, except on those days when I see a new baby or a pregnant woman and realize I will never have that again! 


If you ask my mind and my body if we are done having kids, they would say HECK YEAH!  My heart would have a different answer, but oh well, it's two against one (three against one if you include Ken's vote).


Let's hear it for the boys! Two is great!!!




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  • Lisa, I love this entry because it is something I have been going through for a while. After I got married and didn't immediately get pregnant my in-laws would ask when? and I would say later until I got anxious and told them we were going to wait and they said fine. Since my 2nd baby was 5 years later everyone was asking about when another baby. What people didn't know is that I was having trouble getting pregnant. After 2 we had decided this was enough. Well, baby 3 came along and everyone was content. When it was another girl people kept insisting that we needed a boy. Hey if we are fine with what we have, why should we need a boy. Deep inside, do I want a boy? Of course, but I'm content with what I have and guess what this is cheaper because of hand me downs. The youngest is wearing some of the oldest's clothes. Plus, our family only has 2 boys and they are the eldest, who will my little boy play with. We love our 3 girls!

  • In reply to vlopez:

    Veronica - Thanks for your support! Your three girls are beautiful!

  • In reply to vlopez:

    OMG, Lisa!!! Your story is my story, to the most minute point! I think my body is done having kids; however, my heart is definitely not done. Unfortunately, not even close. Every time I see a baby, I say, "oh...I want ONE more." My heart sometimes aches for another. But then I realize how fortunate I am with my 2 girls, and I feel ashamed that I would even--I guess you could say-- "covet" the idea of another one when so many women have suffered greater in just trying to have one. But yes, at 41 (in a week), I would still love to try for that "boy." :)

    However, my husband says no, and my doctor is already giving me the creepies about everything that can go wrong with a baby at 41, I just don't know. (My doc was already doing that when I was 37--he's quite conservative.) However, I don't really listen, as I personally know many women who are my age and older doing it.

    Then...I also froze when the doctor asked if I wanted my tubes tied! That was my last c-section at age 37. What?! I just couldn't; I just couldn't. I was just about to have my second child and here I was at that same moment still thinking that I didn't want my possibilities cut off for a third. The procedure just was too permanent for my taste.

    Sigh...well, I still think of the third, but my clock is certainly ticking. It's almost midnight for me. However, that carriage hasn't turned into a pumpkin yet, so my dreams are still quite alive. :)

    Thanks for the post. I fell right into it, having gone through and still going through the same things as you. So good to hear I'm not the only one. :) I always chalk up my emotions to hormones, but sometimes life and all its situations are more complicated than those pesky hormones.

  • In reply to anitarudite:

    Anita - Hang in there. Whatever you and your husband decide, you are lucky as you have two amazing girls. Thank you for your comment and sharing your story!

  • In reply to anitarudite:

    Thanks Lisa for your comment. I just got so excited when I read your story and saw that it was mine too! I don't know about you, but sometimes I think us women need to know we are not the only ones experiencing certain things.

    I agree; I am lucky with my two girls. I thank God every day. Your boys are also SO cute. You are also so fortunate, and whichever way the tide turns, at least you and I know that we are fortunate to have had the experience of motherhood. That in itself is a blessing. :)

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