Lisa Matthews is our guest blogger for today. Enjoy this very funny entry and if you missed Lisa's last entry for Ay Mama! check it out, it is hilarious!
I admit I'm a review fanatic, an extremist if you will. This means I read an exorbitant amount of product reviews...but I don't dare write them! I'm not just talking about reviews on movies and electronics (who doesn't read those?); I read reviews on everything from lamps to laxatives! It's become a hobby,
Reading all these reviews can be a daunting task and sometimes it's quite counterproductive, at least from a mom standpoint. Now, I wouldn't call myself a neat freak but last week, for example, I got really fed up with the constant fingerprints on all my stainless steel appliances. I have come to the realization that only mothers are born with special receptors in their retinas to see these greasy smudges. Anyway, my current stainless cleaner was not doing the trick so I thought a quick search on the Internet would reveal a solution. After hours of delving through a plethora of pages I'm still in a quandary. I mean who knew there were so many people with such passionate opinions about their SS wipes! And, in the time I spent reading I could have easily gone to my local Wal-Mart, picked up the top 3 contenders, performed my own experiment (using the Scientific Method, of course!), compiled my data, proclaimed a winner, and cleaned my appliances. Heck, while I was at it I could have mounted everything on a tri-fold poster board and declared it my son's science fair project for next year. Instead, I left the kids fending for their own dinner, leaving enough prints that would send the finest forensics team running!
The one time I don't check the reviews my husband and I wasted 93 minutes of uninterrupted non-kid time with, Lies & Illusions, an atrocity of a movie starring Christian Slater and Cuba Gooding, Jr. The sound effects were laughable, i.e. POW, POW, BANG, BANG! As soon as the credits starting rolling I got on Amazon and, there it was, rated a whopping 1 and a quarter star! Do not rent this movie!
Perhaps my expectations are too high. For instance, every year, like clockwork, I scour the Web for the newest and greatest anti-aging product. For this, I only read the reviews rated with 4 or 5 stars (actually in this case, it's 4 or 5 "lippies" on makeupalley.com (they use lipsticks, not stars)). Inevitably, I stumble upon a cream being touted for its "miracles." One reviewer posts "after only two days my husband noticed how much younger I looked." What? Are you kidding me? My husband has yet to notice the new ZGallery print I hung on the wall 6 months ago! I keep reading. The reviewers were singing praises, getting compliments from friends, family, and strangers on the street! I couldn't get to my credit card fast enough; in 24 hours I was tracking my package and in 4 weeks...well, I was still fishing for compliments. Ugh!
I claim my so-called hobby assists me in making informed decisions by providing me with a wealth of knowledge, even some real technical stuff. For example, this week I am thinking about replacing my old stove/range. And, normally, I would run to my ultra-friendly home improvement store (you know which one I'm referring to) but the reviews say I'll get the best price at Sears. So, I bribe my son with a pit stop to Taco Bell (works every time) and bring him along for moral support. My husband is out of town and besides he thinks our old range is perfectly fine. Honey! I expect to be greeted by an older, semi-retired gentleman (it's Sears!) but instead a tall, lanky kid, just barely out of braces welcomes us. I quickly locate my range and ask the salesman/boy if he had had any comments from customers about the oven pre-heating in 9 minutes instead of the stated 6 or if the right front burner is really capable of an output of 17,000 BTU's. He doesn't have a clue but he is quick to point out that the oven has a Pizza AND a Chicken Nugget button! To that, my son excitedly replies "SWEET!" Okay then, I guess it's a done deal. Well, that is until the kid asks me if I want to add the "bumper-to-bumper" 5-year warranty for $129. Darn it, I didn't check the reviews on that...I'll be right back!
Author's Note: I know we are all anxiously awaiting Nina's return with her mouth-watering recipes. Until then, here's one of mine:
Lisa's Famous Chicken Nuggets:
1 Pkg Frozen Chicken Nuggets
Press Chicken Nugget Button (Frigidaire Model FPGF30XXX Required)
Place nuggets on baking sheet on middle rack
Chicken Nuggets will automatically be ready in 20 minutes! Enjoy!