Milestones & Disappointments

Even though Dylan was now officially our son, during the 15-day appeal period after court we could see him only during our allotted two hours of daily visitation. You would think that, having been through this routine every day for two months, those last 15 days would have been a breeze. In truth, they were actually the hardest ones of the whole adoption process.

 

Once that judge issued the adoption order, something changed in me. I had always felt tenderness for Dylan from the moment I met him, but now I began to feel something else welling up inside: protectiveness. The mama bear in me started coming out, and I began to resent it when the caregivers would scold me for taking Dylan's hat off or for trying to give him an American-style pacifier to suck. This was my son now, and I should have been able to have a say in how he should be cared for. But the truth of the matter was, I didn't. And there was not much I could do about it except be patient.

 

By this time Dylan was 11 months old and growing by leaps and bounds. When we first met him, he could barely sit up by himself. After the first few weeks of visitation, he had not only built up the strength to sit up, but was also pulling himself around in an "army crawl." A few days after court, he started to crawl properly during visitation. We were so proud and happy to witness that amazing milestone!

 

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Baby on the go! Dylan crawling around during visitation

Three days before we were to take custody of him, I heard a little tink in the spoon while I fed Dylan his snack. I looked in his mouth, and there was the tiniest, cutest little tooth making its way out of his lower gum. My heart swelled at the sight!

 

The next day, two days before we were to take custody of Dylan, I was pulled aside by a caregiver the moment we arrived for visitation. She made some gestures to her mouth and pointed to Dylan, saying something in Russian. Not really understanding her, I went to pick him up so she could show me what she was talking about. He was burning hot. She opened his mouth and showed me his little tooth, then held her palm to his forehead. I took this to mean that she thought Dylan had a fever due to teething.

 

I'd heard of babies developing a low-grade fever while teething, but he was just way too hot to me. I shook my head and said "doktor." She shook her head and again tried to show me his tooth. I took a step back, holding Dylan tightly, and in a firmer tone, I again said "doktor." This was the first time I had ever talked back to one of the caregivers, but I felt in my heart that there was something the matter with my boy. Realizing I was not going to back down, the caregiver left the room, huffing impatiently, and soon returned with the head doctor of the baby house.

 

The doctor looked Dylan over and quickly determined that he had a high fever and a swollen, red throat. She ordered that he should immediately be placed in isolation at the nurses' station. After checking both Bill's and my throats to ensure we had not been the ones to make Dylan sick (we weren't), she informed us that, due to Dylan's illness, he would not be released to us on the day after the appeal period ended, and that he would remain in the baby house as long as it took for him to recover completely.

Upon hearing those words, I turned to Bill and started sobbing hysterically onto his shoulder. I couldn't help it. I wanted my baby home with us more than anything in the world, and now that the moment was so near, it was taken away from me.

 

Once I calmed down, though, I realized that this was a blessing in disguise. What did I know about taking care of a sick baby, especially in a foreign country? If this HAD to happen to Dylan, it was better that it happen while he was still at the baby house and could get 24-hour medical care. We'd just have to wait a little longer to finally be a family...

 

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Trying to make the best out of a bad situation: a family portrait on the day we should have taken custody of Dylan

 

 

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  • Ay Khadine, yo no sabia esta parte de la historia. Me ha dado tanta pena leerla, pero a la vez, sabiendo que ya Dylan esta con ustedes, tienes toda la razon fue realmente un "blessing in disguise". Me gusto mucho tu post de hoy! Un abrazo.

  • In reply to NinaGoyco:

    Tienes toda la razon, q te hubieses hecho con un bebe con fiebre y la garganta infectada en un avion? Digamos q te dieron ademas unas cuantas horitas mas de sueno que ahora aprecias. Aunque me imagino que no dormias mucho anyway, esperando llevarte a Dylan a la casa.

  • In reply to abelaval:

    Definitivamente, no hubiese sabido ni donde empezar. Cuidando un hijo por primera vez, y para colmo enfermo, imaginate! Como dijo Nina fue un "blessing in disguise!"

  • In reply to NinaGoyco:

    I will always be amazed at how you handled these last days- plus Dylan getting sick, right as you were able to take him. It had been such a long road...everyone just wanted Dylan with you (& back in the US)!

  • In reply to kathikubal:

    It HAD been a long road, and this was such a bitter blow. But of course it was the best thing in the end. Thank goodness Dylan was able to get the medical care he needed before he came home to us, but it was truly a lesson in patience for me and Bill!

  • In reply to kathikubal:

    Great post! Things happen for a reason!

  • In reply to camoll:

    Thanks! They ABSOLUTELY do. It was just hard going through it at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 and I am sooooo glad he stayed at the baby house those extra few days!

  • In reply to kathikubal:

    Wow! Incredible post!

  • In reply to anitarudite:

    Thanks, Anita! Glad you liked it! :-)

  • In reply to anitarudite:

    I might be echoing what others said, but I don't read Spanish, so bear with me! What a great blog these past 2 weeks! I keep cheering you on and getting excited and feeling your anxiety! He is also adorable. That fever would have put me over the edge, but yes, better there than on the plane. Great job.

  • In reply to anitarudite:

    Thank you, Kelley! I am so glad you've been enjoying the blog. Can't wait to meet you!

  • In reply to anitarudite:

    Esa fue tu bienvenida ao mundo real de los padres. Te felicito y a las demais escritoras por su presentacion de hoy en la TV. Te veis fabu..,

  • In reply to Valmir:

    Gracias! Fue fabuloso conocer a todas las muchachas!

  • In reply to anitarudite:

    La mejor decision fue no entregarte al ni

  • In reply to Valmir:

    Ahora que te tendido la experiencia de tener a un baby enfermo, estoy completamente de acuerdo! Me alegro que les haya gustado el segmento de la tele!

  • In reply to Valmir:

    The long wait is over and now Dylan is completely, absolutely a trillion, trillion percent all yours forever!

  • In reply to Valmir:

    Amen to that, Emma! :-)

  • In reply to NinaGoyco:

    Si, fue una gran decepcion para nosotros y un momento bien dificil, pero definitivamente lo mejor para el. Gracias a Dios que nos lo cuidaron, pues yo me hubiese hecho un ocho con el bebo enfermo en el apartamento! Me alegro que te haya gustado!

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