Becoming happy: A letter to my 54-year-old self

ChicagoNow is hosting it's first ever Blogapalooz-Hour. A topic was picked at random, and every blogger on ChicagoNow was given one hour to write about the topic. The topic is to write a letter to someone or something giving advice. I have chosen to write a letter to myself. The letter is written from my current day self to myself in 20 years. Enjoy!

Dear David:

You are 54 years old. Can you believe it? You are over half-a-century in age now. Who would have thought you would make it this far? I hope that by now, you finally accomplished some goals that you kept giving up on.

I hope you finally dropped those extra pounds. I know you used to eat when you were stressed or angry. I hope you stopped that. You know it never fixed anything. If you are still doing this, please stop before you cause yourself more harm. You have always had issues with your weight, and it is time you took the blame and fixed it. Of course, I hope you fixed this issue many years ago, but if not, now is your chance. Time is wasting.

I also hope that you have finally done some things to just to make you happy. Though you have always spoken what was on your mind, you never really wanted to rock the boat. I hope you know that by not rocking the boat, you held yourself back. You always had this need to please everyone. Unfortunately, that need just normally left you unhappy and miserable. I hope and pray that you put other people's opinions behind and just pursued your dreams. If not, it is never too late.

Also, now that you are 54 years old, I hope that you no longer have to deal with your anxiety issues. You had these so you would not have to deal with things and people you did not want to deal with. You know this is true. You always knew this to be true. I really, really hope you fixed this. You were getting a lot better in your 30's, but I was always afraid that at any moment you would bring them back just so that you would have an excuse to shut out the world like you did before. Please tell me my fear was unfounded and that you have not had any anxiety issues since then.

Lastly, I hope you finally quit being bitter. Through the eating issues, settling, and anxiety, you became really bitter earlier in your life. Some people are just assholes. Unfortunately, you do not deal well with bad people and their negative views. You always expected the best of everyone, and when somebody let you down, you fell apart. This festered in you until you just starting shutting out the world and viewing everybody as evil. This was not healthy, and you knew it.

Anyway, I hope you managed to find a way to stop doing this. People are responsible for their own life. Nothing they do should impact you the way you let it. If you are still letting people do this to you, please just tell them goodbye now. Quit wasting their time or yours.

You always did a great job of hiding these issues (well, as much as you can hide weight), but I hope you finally confronted them all head on.  I know if you ever truly stopped and took care of yourself, all these issues would go away in a heartbeat. I hope that at 54, you are sincerely and truly happy. I hope you are going out everyday and doing things that you want to do. If not, I hope you fix this immediately.

You have wasted too much of your life being afraid of this or that, and you only have so much life left. Start enjoying it.

Love,

David

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    David W. Quinn

    Former fatty. Wannabe health nut. Writer, photographer, fabulous homosexual. Trying to live a better life. Join me on my journey!

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