In two months my blog will be a year old. That is not a long time to have a blog, but it seems like forever to me. Of course, sometimes it feels like I have lived up here forever, when in reality I have just barely lived here 15 months.
When I started my blog, it was going to be about moving up here. However, in hindsight, how far could that topic have taken me. I no longer spend every day writing "WOW! I can't believe I have to pay to drive on a freeway," or "OMG! I can't believe there is a Subway on every corner." (Seriously Chicago people, why do you have so many Subways. The restaurant not the trains.)
Do not get me wrong. I find new things all the time that I love about living up here. However, now it is just new things. It is no longer new things compared to the things that I had in Arkansas. When I first moved here, I felt like a fish out of water. However, now I feel like a fish in a really big lake.
So, I have tried to have my blog evolve with my changing feelings. Unfortunately, I lost track along the way. I am not sure why or how though.
I feel it is worth mentioning that ArkieLad is not my first blog. I have blogged for many, many years. My first traceable blog that I remember dates back to 2000. However, all my other blogs felt different to me.
They were different in that I just wrote what I wanted. I never tired to conform to any format or blog about anything specifically. If I wanted to write, I did. If I did not, I did not.
However, with this blog I seem to try to hold myself up to some weird standard that I put into place. I am not sure if it was a means of trying to fit in or just something I tried to see if I liked it or not. I do know the result was that I started disliking blogging.
I still loved to write; however, every story I posted on my blog I felt as if it did not flow with my other stories. I cannot tell you how many stories about politics, life, and more that I have written and then deleted because I felt like they did not fit in with the theme of my blog. A theme that I knew I was not being true to anyway.
The same works the other way around. As a friend pointed out to me recently, some of my posts seem to have no feelings in them. It is because some of my posts have been posted just because I felt indifferent on the subject matter, and, in some cases, an obligation to post about them.
For instance, I am super happy about Obama coming out in support of gay marriage; however, I felt obligated to post about it just because I am a gay man. I finally resisted the urge to post about it; however, that feeling of guilt was still there because I did not post on it. Same goes with stories about local events, work, friends, etc.
I know that my passion is blogging about random stuff. I like blogging about restaurants one day, politics the next, and relationships the day after that. I know it is random and I know it will not appeal to everyone; however, it is what I like to do. I never like feeling an obligation to post anything one thing in particular.
So, in trying to get my passion back for writing, expect many random posts about a variety of topics that most people could probably care less about. However, if you have ever met me in life, you will know that sporadic and random are my key personality traits.
I hope that you will join me on my journey into randomness and in my race to get my passion for writing back.