An open letter to men: your butt, your business.

An open letter to men: your butt, your business.

Dear men,

Women may want to stop reading here, because this is just for the guys. If you continue reading, your fantasy about how awesomely fit and well-mannered men are may be shattered. You have been warned.

Now men, as a guy, I know that we enjoy our junk. Trust me, I know.

To us, it is the most wonderful thing in the world. Why do you think as children, we kept our hands down our pants all the time. Hell, most of us even do it as adults. It is just fun. I know that.

However, when we were younger, we at least only did it when we were alone or in the company of other like minded individuals.

Being back in the gym, I can see that nothing has changed since I used to use the fitness center in Little Rock. Now, do not get me wrong. I change and shower at the gym. I am not ashamed. I am not one of those guys that try to change under a towel or that hides away in the back corner so that I cannot be seen. I am no prude.

However, when you are naked, please refrain from relaxing on the furniture, standing way to close to have a conversation, and most importantly, refrain from bending over directly in front of someone.

I noticed yesterday a guy watching the news from a recliner in the relaxation room. He was as naked as he could be. That is not the bad part though, the bad part was that while naked, he was all kicked back and relaxed on the recliner. To add insult to injury, he had not even showered yet. Ewwwwww. Had he been showered, it would still be bad, but at least it would not have been as bad as having a dirty naked butt right up against the furniture.

I will admit I am a bit judgmental when it comes to this. It seems that the fit and nice looking men seem to have grace and dignity. They are in the locker room to do their thing and continue on with their day.

However, the old and/or fat men seem to just be in there to chitchat. They are the ones walking around having conversations at uncomfortable closeness while completely naked. It is also the really old and saggy ones that like to sit on the furniture completely naked and unclean. The really fat ones are the ones that like to bend over while naked. They do not even do the nice kneel-down bend-over, they go ass-up, face-down.

Were they doing this to get dressed near their lockers, it would be one thing. However, they wait until they are right in the middle of the room, and show everyone everything.

Unfortunately, if you, like I did, accidentally look up at the wrong time, you will be scared for life. I promise. I imagine it being on the same damaging scale to your retinas as looking directly at an eclipse.

To make matters worse, he was not even doing it to pick something up. He was exercising. Should he not have been out on the floor exercising with clothes on? I mean, come on - the workout areas are clearly marked. The locker room is not the place.

So men, let us be reasonable. While naked, stand. It is that easy. Also, try to avoid bending over in a way that would expose your 90-year-old, 300lb butt to those unfortunate souls standing behind you. We do not want to see.

Please and thank you!


Filed under: Health, Thinking

Tags: Exercise, Health, Random, Rants, Thoughts

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