So, I had that awkward moment that one can only have with an ex.
The visit had been planned for months. I never predicted it would be weird at all. I thought it was be fun and we would rekindle what we had for a few days. However, it was awful.
You know what I am talking about.We have almost all been there with an ex.
I had decided to visit this particular ex because it just made sense. Because of family and friends, I knew I could not avoid her forever. That is right, I said her.
I had been in love with her for years. The time we spent together was magical; however, for one reason or another, we just could not stay together. It was not because I was gay, we had gotten past that years ago. She knew all my quirks, and I hers.
When I decided to leave her, I shed tears. However, our love affair had grown cold and stale. So, when we split, we tried to make it as amicable and as fast as possible.
We had not spoken much since the split some 9 months and 23 days prior. A weird amount of time; however, one that seems like three times as much.
So, we finally decided to meet up and see how it felt.
It was not pretty.
She had changed so much. I had changed so much. It was like we just did not fit together.
We were like two clumsy teenagers in the dark. In theory we knew what was suppose to happen, but in reality, neither one of us could figure out what to do with each other.
I thought we would have at least remained friends and probably see each other on the side from time to time. I mean, even though we are no longer together, I could never deny that what we had was magical. Being able to capture those wonderful memories from time to time and bring them into the present again would be great. However, I do not think I can. At least not yet.
It is not that it was painful to see her.
It was just uncomfortable.
So, I am sorry Arkansas; however, I have to take a break from you. I still love you and I do miss you occasionally. However, when I visited you, it felt just like that - a visit. When I arrived back at my apartment, I felt at home.
I never thought I would feel like Chicagoland was home; but I do.
The drive back was so long. I just wanted to be home. I could not wait to tell my friends about my mini-cation.
I guess that is what they call moving on? It feels good and bittersweet at the same time.