So I went to my first ever Block Party this weekend. I wasn't sure what to expect. I thought it would be a brief little "here's the neighborhood" type thing; however, you Chicagoans know how to throw a party.
I got my invite from The Queen - that's actually how she introduced herself when I met her. She had been talking about the Block Party for a while, and though I was excited to go, I thought it would be more along the lines of a dinner party.
So on Saturday Night, The Partner, The Shut-In, and I headed to the First Annual Edgebrook Neighborhood Block Party to enjoy an abundance of live entertainment, dancing, and food. We also got to hang out with some fabulous people. The Chicago Police Department showed up- not for the reason you are thinking - with their K-9 and mounted units. They were nice enough to allow everyone to pet and photograph the animals.
There were activities for the children as well. They had a huge water bouncy to play on. The kids crawled up one side and slid down the other into a pool of water. I so wanted to do it, but the kids were hogging it. Since I am highly allergic to kids, I had to avoid it so that I didn't break out in a rash.
The show ended with fireworks, but due to plans, I couldn't stay and watch them. Regardless of that, I still had a blast, and I also got to prove that my theory on mid-western men is correct by watching some Chicago men in their native habbitat.
I don't know what it is, but a majority of you Chicago men have the biggest bubble butts ever. I noticed it while I was up here visiting for Thanksgiving, but after living here since the first of the year, I have proven it to be true. Most of the men you meet here just have this huge juicy booty that goes on for days. If I was a famous black female singer, I'd have a song penned about it. I'd name that song Bootylicious or something even gayer like Baby Got Back or My Heart Will Go On.
It's not fair having to stare at all these mid-western bubble butts when I have a southern flat one. I have tried to discover the things that I don't do that mid-westerners do so that I can figure out how they got big butts that don't lie, and I got a butt that looks like it was smashed in a horrible butt smashing accident that took the bubble of sixty-one men.
Of all the possible scenarios, I have discovered there are only two main differences in our lifestyle. The first is that they eat corn-on-the-cob regularly. The second option is that people up here walk everywhere. That's it. Those are the only things we do differently.
So on my quest to a big bubble booty, I have changed the way I live. If I can have the butt I've always dreamed of, I won't stop until I get it. So, from this day forward, I will eat corn-on-the-cob regularly.
I've already had it several times in the past few weeks. And the good news is that this morning while slidding on my jeans, I noticed that they were a little harder to button up then the last time I wore them. I think the corns working.