Southern view on the heat wave...

First, who knew Chicago got this hot. I was use to this in Arkansas, but for it to get up to 100 degrees here is ridiculous. Hopefully, it will cool off soon. However, until then, I have some great ways to beat the heat from a southerner who is used to this type of thing.

1. Eat cold - don't be eating anything that tastes better warm. Ice cream is a great selection for dinner, as is cereal, salads, Oreos, and fruit. (Not combined though, that would be gross.) Consider this the perfect time to clean out the left overs in the refrigerator.  If you have one of those families that I hear straight people talk about and you must cook, remember that frozen pork chops placed in your socks are a great way to thaw out dinner, tenderize them, and keep yourself cool at the same time.

2. Underwear it - If you live alone, or just comfortable with the people you live with, go around in your underwear or even naked when you are at home. (Safety note: if naked, don't fry bacon - EVER.) We shouldn't be ashamed of our bodies anyway. Getting naked might also make you less hot at work, but could cause an uncomfortable meeting with your boss and/or human resources director.

3. Winter photos - remember those photos you took of the blizzard in February. Pull them out. See how much fun you had playing in the snow. Remember that time you complained that your feet were cold. Remember the days you could walk outside and not burst into flames. Oh...memories!

4. Morning frisky time - you know after being outside all day, you are going to be hot. You want to strip down, stretch out, and not be touched when you walk in the door. So, before you even get out of the bed in the morning, remember that this is going to be the coolest you feel all day. So, any frisky time the husband/wife/neighbor/stranger next to you wants better occur now or it won't happen at all.

5. Avoid people - as a people person, this one is hard for me. Just know though that people that are mildly annoying on a regular day, are 500 times more annoying on a very hot day. So, it's best just to avoid everyone. What was cute on Friday during the nice weather, will make you envision that same person being struck across the head by a bat today.

Just know that the heat will go away soon enough. At that point, you will be able to walk to the mailbox again without feeling like you have ran a marathon, or be able to not suffocate trying to cool off your car. So, while complaining about the heat, just know that a week from now, it should be in the 80's...maybe.

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    David W. Quinn

    Former fatty. Wannabe health nut. Writer, photographer, fabulous homosexual. Trying to live a better life. Join me on my journey!

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