Kate & William: the Royal Pre-Nup

We were able to get a look at the pre-nuptial contract between Prince William and Kate Middleton. There were some surprise clauses! 

  • He may never refer to her as "common" and she may not refer to him as "in-bred"

  • By mutual agreement, any offspring will be raised both "hoity" AND "toity"

  • After two years of marriage, Kate will be allowed to visit Hogwarts

  • Prince Charles will be denied the right of Prima Nocta

  • In the event of divorce, William receives sole custody of England and Kate receives sole custody of Great Britain

  • Any offspring will be given fluoride daily and fitted with oral braces as soon as humanly possible

  • Prince William is forbidden from wearing his hilarious Nazi costume in public

  • In the event of either signatory's untimely demise, Sir Elton John is prohibited from re-using a previously published song and is required to compose a wholly new tribute song

  • In keeping with royal tradition, any offspring will not be required to obtain or maintain any skills whatsoever

  • prenup.jpg

  • At precisely 11am (London time), April 27, 2011, both Facebook accounts will change relationship statuses to "Married"

  • Kate agrees with William (without sarcasm) that "Game of Thrones" is a documentary

  • Prince William Mountbatten-Windsor, heir to the throne of the United Kingdom is also rightwise Lord of the TiVo remote.

Leave a comment