Noah’s drunken stupor and the Biblical origin of slavery


The all-powerful and perfect god who never makes mistakes realizes that he made a mistake in creating humans and decides to drown everyone. (Gen 6:6-7)
But then in what can only be described as a miracle of infinite love and mercy, god decides not to kill absolutely everyone and spares a 600 year old man named Noah and his family and 2 of every land animal.

Getting wet:
40 days and 40 nights of rain left the entire world flooded for a long time. One year passed from the time Noah’s Ark was boarded to the time it was disembarked.

Getting dead:
All humans and other land animals that were not on the ark died making this story the greatest myth of genocide ever written. (Gen 7:21-23)

Getting dry:
Once the waters abated and all the floaters were eaten by fish, Noah’s Ark landed on dry land.

Getting drunk:
Noah plants a vineyard, makes wine, gets drunk and passes out naked. (Gen 9:21-21)

Getting a peek:
Noah’s son Ham sees his father nude and gets a peek at his naughty bits. (Gen 9:22)

Getting pissed:
When Noah regains consciousness from his drunken stupor, he finds out that Ham saw him naked and didn’t cover things up. (Gen 9:24)

Getting screwed:
In his rage Noah curses Canaan. Why? Canaan is made a slave because his father Ham saw his grandfather Noah’s private parts. (Gen 9:25)

Getting Biblical perspective:
The origin of slavery as in men owning other men, women and children. The history of unspeakable oppression, families being ripped apart, massive suffering and death in transportation, the bondage of chains, and the blood of whips over many centuries to countless people. The origin can all be attributed to a man who lived thousands of years ago seeing his 600 year old father’s penis.

Just something to think about next time atheists are deemed unethical for not adhering to a Biblical source of absolute morality.

-James Kirk Wall

Note - There are apologists who argue that the Bible is against slavery and only advocates indentured servitude which is limited in length and meant to pay off debts. This is a lie. Indentured servitude only applies to Israelites and other Israelites. The Bible is very clear that foreigners can be bought as slaves for life.

Leviticus 25:42-46
42 Because the Israelites are my servants, whom I brought out of Egypt, they must not be sold as slaves.43 Do not rule over them ruthlessly, but fear your God.
44 “‘Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. 45 You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property. 46 You can bequeath them to your children as inherited property and can make them slaves for life, but you must not rule over your fellow Israelites ruthlessly.

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