Being President has it's benefits. Free breakfasts, cheap cell phone service, helicopter rides. Most days, I imagine, when the Muslim population of the Middle East isn't attempting to nuke itself into a plate of green glass, the economy shows signs of temporary recovery and there are Freedom Fries on the cafeteria menu, it actually seems like a desirable job. Some days, though, like Barack Obama's Tuesday, are really sh*tty.
So in case you fell subject to a bad bus choice, busybodies on a Metra quiet car or an unfulfilled lunch order, just know that, today, Barack Obama probably had a day worse than yours.
- In light of dismal economic news and a desire to spend the next few months plotting out his own personal Recovery Summer, chief economic adviser Austan Goolsbee has packed up his white board and headed back to the University of Chicago like a rat off a sinking ship.
- Obamacare is just so freaking awesome that nearly 30% of companies polled will stop offering their employees healthcare coverage. Now you can "keep your plan if you like it" but only if your employer is willing to foot the bill.
- The Washington Post channeled the nonexistent bastard child of Roger Ebert and William F. Buckley when it claimed that Obama's speech touting the American automakers' recover was "one of the most misleading collections of assertions we have seen in a short presidential speech." Obama couldn't have done better had he claimed Lady Gaga didn't need an underwire bra. Guess he might want to start getting those daily economic briefings he was so hot on.
- It turns out people don't like it when the buck that stops at Obama's desk actually ends up on theirs. Or, at least, in their morning Google Alerts.
- It also turns out that when people give a certain 2008 Presidential campaign major donations, they don't expect their direct line to the Oval Office cut off like Charlie Sheen at 2am.
- Obama's being beaten in the polls by a man who could be replaced by a Muppet and no one would know until the Muppet's hair failed to stay glued in place at a campaign stop.
- China, who's major contribution to technology in the last decade has been slave management systems, Internet censorship and mobile execution buses, is kinda sorta thinking that Obama's "big government" is getting a little to big for it's britches.
- He's lost James Carville. Which means he definitely won't be living in your elevator and doling out advice like he does for Tina Fey.
- Rich white kids don't think Obama's cool anymore and his tee shirts are on clearance at Urban Outfitters (and, oddly enough, those profits are funding Rick "Spray Tan" Santorum).
- They've just announced a worldwide shortage of jeans that are two inches too short.
I made that last one up, but it could be plausible. After all, Obama has a habit of wearing acid-wash Mom jeans with Teva sandals and white socks. I can see him being disappointed that his uniform of choice would suffer a disruption. I can't see him being disappointed enough to come up with a comprehensive policy on the matter, but hey, why start now.