Archive for July 2010

What's Worse: Oil or Asian Carp?

I’m with Richard Daley on this one, but mostly because I can’t stand Michigan Republican gubernatorial candidate Mike Cox, and the Asian carp lawsuits that tormented Illinois for months was basically a publicity stunt designed to make him seem relevant despite his ridiculous haircut and propensity for wearing jean jackets with actual jeans. Mayor Richard... Read more »

Pat Quinn Tees Up Best Campaign Commercial Evah.

Look, I love the campaign commercials I’ve seen so far from the Democratic Party or whoever is spending nearly half a million dollars per week. I enjoy knowing that Bill Brady would like to kill me, my pets and ensure that, should I not lose my life to his policies as he clearly intends, I... Read more »

Rod Blagojevich Spent $400K On Clothes For Your Own Good

What would Rod Blagojevich hunt from the air? There aren’t a lot of wolves around here to occupy any sportsman’s time so it’d have to be people, right? And he’d of course deny that these expeditions were a new way to taint the jury pool. Anywhoo…if you’re wondering where the connection comes from, you can... Read more »
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Chelsea Clinton Is Richer Than You

Her mother might be selling DVDs to help pay off her campaign debt, but that’s not stopping Chelsea Clinton from spending a mint on her dream wedding in New York. Behold, the entirely estimated (by people “in the know”) Clinton wedding budget (click the link if you want a detailed explanation of each itemized expenditure):... Read more »

Blagojevich's Elvis Could Be Yours

So Blago brought his kids to court this morning because, you know, that’s the kind of thing children should be exposed to: being used as pawns in a legal strategy. Yes, they’re not being dragged through casinos at 3am (not that I didn’t see enough of that over the weekend in Vegas), but at some... Read more »

Sarah Palin To Go Camping With Kate Gosselin

Leave for a few days and this is what I miss. TLC’s original show about bad parenting (which, of course, defined the network), Kate Plus 8, will have a very special episode where the family travels to Alaska for a camping trip and survival less from America’s leading Republican candidate for the 2012 Presidential nomination,... Read more »
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Is Patty Blagojevich Next?

I have a few theories about the Rod Blagojevich trial. I’m not willing to place money on these or anything, but I am willing to get up at 4am on Monday to check out closing arguments in the hopes that I can get Rod to sign something really important to me. So here goes, my... Read more »

Todd Stroger Is Out To Get Suburbanites

If you’re not willing to put in those dastardly county red light cameras at your intersections, well, Todd Stroger won’t be fixing your roads. Take that, suburban beeeyoootches. In the latest outrage, board President Todd Stroger and his supporters threaten to abdicate maintenance of some suburban road intersections if the towns won’t let the county... Read more »

Hillary Tries To Save Herself With DVD Sales

I was under the impression that, when Hillary conceded, she got the expected treatment: Obama or the DNC would somehow magically replace all of that money she spent embarrassing herself making commercials with Celine Dion songs. As it turns out, she’s taken to selling $35 DVD “Greatest Moments” compilations from 2008 to try to put... Read more »
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Scott Lee Cohen Facilitates Hooker Karma

So I sort of like Scott Lee Cohen. I like him because he’s an honestly terrible candidate. Most politicians…you have this initial impression of their pristine qualifications, their dedication to public service and you don’t know the skeletons that hang in their closet – the gay lovers, the dead strippers, the cocaine parties with the... Read more »