archaic question: should girls ask guys out (would you?)

archaic question: should girls ask guys out (would you?)

Tonight my roommate (who is an attractive, smart, funny chick--i.e., a catch) updated me on this guy she's been crushing on for weeks who is on her volleyball team. Since tonight was the last game he was at, she was finally going to get up the courage to ask him out. After practicing in her head all day, she got to the beach early, and saw him walk over to the courts right after her...only to have him stand awkwardly a few feet away, not saying anything until other team members arrived. After the game, they went out to drinks, and while she and this guy usually depart in the same direction from the bar, he ended up going the other way. In a nutshell, she never had a chance to be alone with him and as a a result, didn't ask him out.
To make the situation more complicated, her sister had been trying to set her up with him a few months before, but my roommate didn't feel like being set up. Lo and behold, the dude ends up on her volleyball team and is super adorable. Then, get this. He ends up popping up on her Match profile as a guy she should ask out. Settle down, universe. We get it.

If you're still with me after that incredibly girly last sentence, you've come to the part where she asked me what I would do. When I was single,  I loved meeting guys and getting to know them, but one thing I never really enjoyed was chasing them. If I felt like I had laid enough groundwork out--being friendly, talkative, nailing every single joke I performed, batting my wildly long eyelashes, the ushe (two of those things might be exaggerations)--and they didn't ask me out, or at least put some effort in to get to know me, I would focus my efforts elsewhere, and usually--not always!--the guy would end up coming around in one way or another. If he didn't, I hadn't wasted more time than I felt was worth it.

If there's anything the month-long stint of staring meaningfully at my sixth-grade crush Ryan Haedt during music class while we sang Mr. Big's "I'm The One Who Wants to Be with You" taught me, it's that you can't make someone love you (preach on, Bonnie Raitt!) just because you think you would be perfect together. If that's the case, they're going to have to figure it out themselves. Sure, letting them see the prize is great, but don't give away the cow before it throws stones at you for free! Or something.

So what did I tell my roomie? I said if she was brave enough and felt in her heart that she should ask him (I know! I am an ABC Family movie and I am not apologizing!) to go for it. Then I said that if I were in her position, seeing how I am less brave, I probably would organize a team reunion at a bar and see how he acted then--if there were still no sparks or it was awkward, then she could move on--if he was worth it, he'd come around and ask her out.

What do you guys think? I realize it is 2011, and to be honest, I was fairly bold in the pursuit of my boyfriend (I met him while buying a ping-pong table off his roommate that was listed on Craigslist!), but I don't know if I could be brave enough to point-blank ask a guy out. If you've done it--or do it a lot!--I'd love to hear! And guys, has a girl ever asked you on a date? Would you like her to? Spill the beans!

Image by Violet Kashi photography via Live a Little

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  • I prefer to pounce on the prey.......knowing full well the prey may bite me back, or kick me in my groin, or file a restraining order.

  • Why shouldn't they? If they happen to find the stiff one of their dreams that's just a bonus!

  • Back in the day (ahem!) I finally got the nerve to ask a guy out. I had been in a long-term relationship, so I was very rusty at even dating. I somehow managed to get the words out and we dated on and off for about a year.

    I would tell my twenty year-old daughter that if she were interested in someone, to go for it. It's not that big a deal.

  • Girls should definitely always ask guys out. I'm very shy and would never ask a girl out because knowing if a girl was into me is impossible. It's way too hard to tell if she's into me or just being a nice person so I'll always just be friendly and never make a move. Guys would be more flattered a girl asked than anything so definitely go for it.

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