Happy hump day, loyal readers! And welcome to anyone who is new to this blog--you came just in time for some awkward awesomeness. Apparently I am on a bit of a cringe-worthy kick this week, so in the spirit of the (alledgedly fake, according to my friend) video I posted on Monday, here are the best of the worst moments from my wedding history to date.
5. About a month after the break-up I mentioned here, I was in the wedding of a dear friend. My fallback guy friends were booked, so I took my roommate at the time. As I was checking into our room, confirming the two twin beds, she came rushing up to me excitedly announcing that dates were allowed on the trolley so she could come with me instead of meeting me at the reception. The hotel clerk paused, looked slowly at me, then her, then quietly, without looking at me, said "I apologize. Did you want a queen bed?". No, but I would like to skip the part where my ego is blown from getting dumped by my boyfriend, and then you awkwardly ask if I am dating my female rommate. Thanks.
4. A couple years ago, I caught my first and only—so far—wedding bouquet. After the proceeding garter toss, the bride and groom then thought it would be adorable for me to sit on a chair, pull the garter up around my leg, and have the lucky boy pull it off (yes, I am aware this practice is typically reserved for the actual bride and groom, but wait. It gets better). Because I attended this wedding single, and because the dresses were floor-length, I decided to forgo shaving that morning. And not the unnoticeable shave-skip, but the “it’s summer and I am shaving every day so skipping one day is actually worse than two” type of skip. The “looks fine, feels horrible” variety. Knowing this, I put the garter on as close to my ankle as possible to avoid maximum real estate, and he, in turn, put on a ridiculous show of slowly pulling the garter down, then up! then down again, to the crowd’s delight. I believed I was in the clear until we then had to slow dance in front of everyone (looking back, I am alarmed that this we were tricked into actually having our own wedding), At which point I laughingly said “Man, if I had known this would happen I would have been a little better prepared!” To which he quickly replied “Yea, it’s getting a little sharp down there!” Excellent.
3. While I could list ten moments on this site about spilling, the time I dropped a glass on the dance floor, went and got a refill while the staff cleaned it up, and then proceeded to come back to the exact same spot and drop glass number two could easily take the cake. The fact that my friend then danced barefoot across the area later and got a missed piece of the Glass Explosion of 2007 in her foot, causing her to later go to the hospital to have it removed? Top five material.
2. What’s the best part of having your seven-year-old cousin be your flower girl? The part where everyone in the wedding party slow dances to the first song to kick off the reception, and instead of pairing up with the adorable eight-year-old ring bearer, she starts crying and runs off the dance floor in a fit. You’re welcome, Kathy!
1. And finally…white wine plus aggressively hugging equals this picture:
So how about you, friends? Any mortifying wedding moments you think could join the hall of fame?