I wanted to be a rock star. Well, maybe not a rock star, but I wanted to be a famous musician. I was a singer songwriter. For years I obsessed about making the dream happen, and did everything in my power to make it. I sang and wrote songs. I had bands. I went on the road, all while holding down a day job that helped me invest in my music. I spent every spare penny I had on my music, I networked, sent demos, met record people, got press coverage, even appearing in this Celine Dion/R. Kelly MTV video in the choir. I slogged it out for years, trying to make it happen.
It didn't work out.
Looking back, it's not so much that I didn't "make it" as much as I just ran out of gas. I burnt out. The dream I was so obsessed with finally got old, and the time came to move on to other things. Other dreams. I think I was tired of the all consuming lifestyle of what I was trying to do, feeling like I was reaching the point of diminishing returns.
Nowadays, music and that rock star dream is so far removed from my life, so long ago, that it seems like part of another world. I have other priorities. A family, a different career, other things I want to accomplish in life. I didn't want to be part of something so all encompassing any longer, nor have it encompass me.
The weirdest part is, I don't think about it at all anymore. Ever. It's so strange to have an obsession like music, wanting to be a famous rock star, be so all consuming, and then get to a point where I no longer think about it or care. I still play now and then, but it's mostly for fun in the basement, especially now that my daughter is starting to get into music. I burnt out on the music business long ago, so much so that for the longest time, I didn't even want to play. It actually took something like my kid getting into it, for me to get the fun of making music back in my life. And now it actually is fun, because it is pure. Just the love of playing music, sometimes with my child, sometimes not. But there's no more obsession, no more slogging it out. I haven't cared or thought about that part of it in a long, long time. It feels so strange. But it feels good too.
The only constant in life is change.
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