Spring is a time of a renewal. It is a time for growth and beautiful changes all around us. It is also a time where we start to examine our lives and start to make it better. It is a time for positive changes and turning our lives for the better.
Personally, I have started to make some changes in my life. I want a positive living instead of a negative one. It has been a long time coming for me. Slowly, I have been taken myself out of complete denial that I need to deal with the stress and anxiety that has been in my life. It has been slowly creeping up in my life and out of the imaginary box that I have created for myself in my brain. My personal demons has been slowly coming out from hiding and I could not take it anymore. I was not feeling like myself at all. It was eating up my soul.
Since the beginning of the new year, I have been making changes on the outside for myself. I have started food journaling. I started a Pilates Teacher training program in order to become certified and find a new job. I have been exercising almost daily and giving myself "beatings" in the gym to get in shape. I purchased an used FitBit Flex from a friend who had one that needed a new home and have been tracking my activity level, counting how many steps I am taking each day, and showing how well I am sleeping each night (which completely surprised me).
As a result of these physical changes during the last couple of months, I have been seeing changes from the outside. I am starting to see my abdominal muscles pop out for the first time in my life. The scale may not speak the same language as my body, but I am starting to see results.
With all of the physical changes, I have been ignoring my mental health. I have been struggling with my ugly demons. It has not been pretty. I have dealt with anxiety and stress issues for most of my life. I am a lifelong chronic nail biter and have been trying to break the habit for years. I have been in therapy on and off for years since I was in high school. I have used various forms of meditation as a way to cope with everything in my life. I have turned to the Buddhist faith for guidance with stress. I have prayed and chanted most nights for some help from my favorite deity, Green Tara.
I have been on Lexapro from the anxiety and depression for over 4 years with the drug starting to turn its ugly head and needing to slowly wean myself off of it. Unfortunately, as I am slowly weaning off, the demons got bigger and uglier. I was not myself at all. All of the anger and emotions that were bottled up while on the Lexapro started coming out. I found myself getting upset at home for stuff that I should not. I knew that the red flags were flying and it was time to get the big guns out fast so I could nip this issue in the bud.
That's where I finally turned to hypnotherapy for help. I have been listening to Glenn Harrold's hypnotherapy recording for 7 years and know how much I have changed gradually over that time. I have been happy with what I have seen so far, but I knew that it was time to take it up a notch with someone in person. I found a Living Social deal for a clinical hypnotherapist in Naperville and had my husband purchase it for me as a gift. I knew it was the answer that I was looking for. I contacted the hypnotherapist in order to make an appointment. I waited about two weeks to get in, which was completely worth it.
On the evening of my appointment on Wednesday, I ended up in major spazzing over an article that got erased after working it for 20 minutes without hitting the save draft button and hitting the back button on my Chrome browser instead. This incident was followed by breaking our Ninja blender after accidently overfilling the single service container (The smell of burning rubber is BAD!) when I was in a rush to get to my hypnotherapy appointment. I was also running late to my evening appointment. I was completely upset and a mess.
I ended up spending the car ride in the passenger seat doing some deep breathing and trying to calm down as best I can. But little did I know what in store for me that would change my life for the better.
After I arrived at the appointment, I received some information on what I would be expecting during the session. I learned about the Law of Attraction theory and how our words and thoughts give us power or takes it away. When we express ourselves in a positive way or think positively, good things come to us. When you think and say things negatively, only bad crap comes. Yes, kids, karma really does exist and she can be a mean b****!
I just had to change the way that I think about myself and express myself. I had to undo almost 40 years of psychological damage caused by society, my immediate family, and my childhood all in one. I had to stop psychologically abusing myself with my words just as much as I had stop the abuse that I was experiencing for a long time.
After learning about the Law of Attraction from the hypnotherapist, I opened up and gave him most of my life story about my anxiety and stress. I also explained what my expectations and goals were for hypnotherapy. We talked a little bit before he started getting me ready to enter trance. He had me lean back into the reclining chair that he had as he slowly enter a more relaxed state.
During the time that I was being placed into trance, I found myself mentally and psychologically not letting go as easily as I wanted to. I felt myself fighting back mentally. In my mind, I knew that I was ready for a change, but my inner voice deep inside my brain was clearly not. I found myself during the last seconds before going into trance holding back tears as I grieved. I do not know why I was grieving, but I was.
Those were the last tears that I would shed for my low self-esteem and lack of confidence. I knew that from that moment forward my life was going to positively change and I knew at that moment that it would be beautiful. It was time to take out the mental garbage out. I am really glad that I had enough Hefty bags to fill everything up.
I felt completely relaxed during the session. It was completely awesome! I honestly felt like I could not move any limb during the session even though my mind was completely clear. Not one muscle! When I came out of the trance, it felt like things went by very slowly like only a few minutes.
When I was fully awake, I felt like a totally different person. I felt awesome! I was completely relaxed. I was in a very positive mood. I was happy with myself for first time....ever! I made a follow-up appointment with the hypnotherapist for the following week in order to enforce the effects of the hypnotherapy session and given some homework to do at home.
What I did not know was that the effects from the session would be tested right away....
When I returned to the car after my session, my husband was patiently waiting for me since he was driving me home. He attempted to start the car and it did not start. He attempted to start the car again. No go! The battery was clearly dead. He just moved the car from the previous parking spot to the one that he was in now and turned off the engine. Normally, I would have completely gotten upset because I had been looking forward to some dessert time after the session. Instead, I was cool as a cucumber and did not let what was happening bother me. I also ended up saying to myself, "Everything's going to be okay" over and over just in case I would get upset.
I calmly got our AAA membership card out of my back pocket and handed it to my husband who called for a tow truck for a jump. He was more worried about the cost of the car issues than I was. The tow truck ended up arriving sooner than estimated and he was able to get the battery started after the first attempt. No worries!
After allowing the battery to warm up for 10 minutes, we headed towards where I wanted for dessert after the session. When my husband realized that it was almost 10:00 P.M. while he was driving, he asked to check to see if the place was still open. No, it was closed. But did I get upset? Nope! I just decided to head home and get something to eat there. At that moment, I could get used to this....and I like it!
And this is just the beginning. There's more coming with this than just the hypnotherapy session.
As a result of making a positive change in my life, I also decided to make a change within my little world of me. After my next session, I plan to take more garbage out on Facebook by making a huge sweep in my Facebook friends list and finally have the courage to remove a large group of people ever. I have not never, ever done it before. I have an "unconditional love" policy when it comes to my Facebook friends within reason. I can literately count the number of people who have had to block or boot on one hand - 5.
Yes, 5 people! I swear! It usually takes a lot to make me really upset and angry to get someone blocked or booted off of Facebook.
Now I finally have the strength to recognize that there are some people in my life who live a negative life with no signs of changing. Some of the people have a negative attitude about how they treat their health and the health of others. Some people carry a negative aura that I just do not find appealing anymore. I find that having these people in my life reinforced my negative attitude and reminded me of my past. Now I have a positive attitude with life and want to be around people who share the same belief system. If you do not love yourself and do something positive for yourself, it is hard to attract positive things into your life. It is important to think and act in a positive matter.
With that, I am going to move on and allow the past to be in my past. I see a beautiful future in the horizon and positive that better things will be coming for me. I want to be happy and attract better things into my life.
Peace out. I am now focused on positive living.