"Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free. - Jim Morrison "
Here's today's topic for the ChicagoNow's Blogapalooz-Hour:
"Write about fear, or lack there of, and the role it has played in any aspect of your life."
This is a topic that was waiting to be written, but I have not had a chance to write about. It is something that I have great knowledge about. It is a topic that I know very well.
Most of my life has been filled with fear and anxiety. Fear of rejection. Fear of letting go. Fear of being true to myself. Fear of the unknown. Fear of making a fool of myself and embarrassing others. The list goes on and on.
Ironically, I have had a very busy week that is slowly being filled with changes going on in my life. I have a possible new job in the horizon that brings a new career move. I start a training program on Friday to become a Pilates Teacher at my favorite gym. With these changes, there have been a lot of anxiety. I have had moments earlier this week where I have intense anxiety attacks because I was scared sh**less about things changing in my life.
Yes, I am scared. I can admit it out loud. I am not ashamed it.
I am scared of all changes. I am scared about the unknown especially with what happened in my last job that made me take a huge hit to my self-esteem and self-worth. I am scared of screwing up. I am scared of making mistakes and worrying about pissing people off in the process. I am scared of being unemployed again.
At the same time, I am excited to get a new possibly of a new job. I am confident that I will get this new job. I am excited to get out from four months of unemployment besides working as a freelance writer and writing my book. I want to actually not live in fear of living from unemployment check to the next unemployment check anymore. I am excited to do something that does not involve sitting at a cubicle desk all day and be completely unhappy about my job and where my career is heading.
I am sick and tired of the rut that I am in my life. I want to get out from under it. I am sick and tired of the same old crap day in and day out. I want the change. I really desire it. I need a change! I deserve it!
I am also sick and tired of allowing fear to take over my life. I want to be able to get my confidence and self-worth back. I want to take control back in my life. I know that I deserve it. I know that I am in the driver's seat. It is all up to me now. I just need throw fear out of the car and not look back.
Goodbye, fear! Hello, confidence!