The whole world seems to be angry with Dr. Walter Palmer, a dentist from Minnesota who hunted and killed a beloved lion named Cecil in Zimbabwe. Maybe it was the horrific way the dentist… wait… a dentist is a doctor? I didn’t know that. I figured anyone could be a dentist as long as they were into BDSM and torture. You learn something new every day.
Anyways, this dentist pays 55 thousand dollars so a bunch of other people could lure the lion out of its den or wherever lions sleep and then kills it with a crossbow, cuts its head off, and leaves it there just so he could snap a picture he can show to his wife to prove that he does in fact have a penis. Seems like a good time, am I right rich white people? Word gets out that this jag bag did this and the internet is in an uproar (see what I did there?).
Still, one has to wonder if the lion had it coming. I mean, we don’t know do we? Maybe the lion intimidated Dr. Palmer and he was fearful for his life. Maybe Cecil wouldn’t put his hands on the steering wheel or didn’t have his license. Maybe Cecil was a thug selling cigarettes on the streets. Maybe he was just wearing a hoodie and looked suspicious. Hell, maybe Cecil didn’t put on a turn signal and hung himself when in custody. We don’t know do we?
Maybe Cecil the lion was dressed provocatively, did you ever think of that? Maybe he was asking for it, that dirty dirty lion. Maybe it was last call and Cecil had too much to drink and it was super easy to get him lured away. Maybe it was the lion’s fault for not saying, “No.”
People are very offended that this lion is dead, yet we don’t have all the facts yet. There are protests and this poor dentist’s life is ruined. His dental practice is littered with hate mail and his Yelp review is one star now. What happened to innocent until proven guilty?
All I’m saying is let’s wait for the whole story to come out before we start jumping to conclusions. Has anyone pulled up Cecil’s arrest record yet? I hear he was arrested 5 years ago for possession of THC. That could be a reason why he was killed. Have you seen his Facebook pics? He was throwing up a peace sign while he was eating a gazelle in one of them. Maybe he was in a gang?
LOL. Could you imagine if people actually thought this way? If people actually sounded like this when they opened their mouths that would be embarrassing, wouldn’t it? I am super glad we don't live in a world like that.
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Filed under: Humor