Maybe Cecil The Lion Deserved It.

Maybe Cecil The Lion Deserved It.
The whole world seems to be angry with Dr. Walter Palmer, a dentist from Minnesota who hunted and killed a beloved lion named Cecil in Zimbabwe. Maybe it was the horrific way the dentist… wait… a dentist is a doctor? I didn’t know that. I figured anyone could be a dentist as long as they... Read more »

What Are The Odds of Winning the Monopoly Game at McDonald's?

What Are The Odds of Winning the Monopoly Game at McDonald's?
When I was a young lil’ scrap I would ride my awesome Haro BMX to the local McDonald’s and purchase myself an order of fries and a Coke. I did this quite a bit as I liked food. (This is anti-bullying month so I’m not going to say I was fat…. I was pleasantly plump.)... Read more »

SkyMall Rules - Unnecessary Things I Want But Don't Need

One of the best things about traveling and vacation isn’t the fact that you put your work in your rearview mirror. It’s the fact that all planes come with mother f’ing SKYMALL! If you don’t know what Skymall is, then you live under a rock. Skymall rules. It has so much crap that you absolutely... Read more »
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127 Minutes: My Hate Letter to Comcast

127 Minutes: My Hate Letter to Comcast
Aron Ralston was out climbing big rocks one day and managed to get his arm stuck under a boulder. You may know the ending to this story, but if you don’t – spoiler alert – Aron cut his own arm off to escape. The story is true and they even made a movie about it... Read more »

How To Survive The Inevitable Ebola Plague of 2014

How To Survive The Inevitable Ebola Plague of 2014
I don’t want to frighten anyone but we probably only have like 3 months to live. Last week, some smart person decided it would be a fantastic fucking idea to bring over an Ebola patient from Africa to the United States. Right now he’s chilling in Georgia, drinking sweet tea, and playing the fiddle. (Sorry... Read more »

Where Can I Go For Real News??

Where Can I Go For Real News??
I’m going to give you the Cliff Notes to an Introduction to Journalism class real quick, ok? Before the early 1900’s in the Abraham Lincoln days… so like 1860, newspapers were assholes. They were owned by a bunch of dudes and those dudes basically only printed what they believed in. So during the Civil War... Read more »
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I Could Literally Live in Costco

I Could Literally Live in Costco
There comes a point in every relationship when you either man-up and make an honest woman out of her or you go your separate ways. Yesterday marked a very special occasion for my girlfriend and I. We’ve been together a while now so I guess it was just the natural progression of the relationship, but... Read more »

Gay Pride for the Straight Guy

Gay Pride for the Straight Guy
With Chicago’s Pride Parade coming up this Sunday, I felt the need to do a public service announcement for my heterosexual male readers. You see, Pride is one of the most fun days of the year in this city and I’m saying that as a bonafide red-meat-eating, whiskey-drinking, hair-on-the-chest, straight-as-an-arrow, male. I had to preface... Read more »

A Rebuttal to "Why Guys Should Not Be Required To Go Down On Girls."

A Rebuttal to "Why Guys Should Not Be Required To Go Down On Girls."
Last night I was on the couch watching Bigfoot Hunters as those brave soldiers are going to catch that son of a bitch one of these episodes and I’m sure as hell not going to miss it.  Between her eye rolls, my girlfriend, instead of watching potential history unfold before her eyes, sat scrolling through... Read more »
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ESPN Doesn't Care About Hockey

ESPN Doesn't Care About Hockey
The National Hockey League’s inaugural season was in 1917. Woodrow Wilson was president, America trained hard, ate her vitamins and said her prayers and entered World War I, and a baby Ernest Borgnine was born. Since 1917 so much has changed. We repeated and won back-to-back titles after World War II, Kate Beckinsale was born... Read more »